farewell, charlotte

well, i haven't written in this for a while, obviously!

there would be all of the north carolina faire, my home show, to go through, but not much REALLY happened there.  i kind of redefined my relationship with a boy, we're kind of a thing, it's not a big deal.  I mean, it kind of is, but that's not for here.

I manage the clothing store Ophelia's in NC, and this year was markedly underwhelming.  Part of me feels like I could have focused more on the store, instead of my personal life, but, other than crowds, it was an underwhelming sales year at that show in general.  It was a year, it was gotten through, I had a dude living in the booth with me who also happened to be present at my family thanksgiving and christmas eves, a first time for me.  No big deal.

The weirdest thing I noticed since being on the road was how...not home I felt when I got home.  Sure, it's great to be with my parents and I love them more than anything.  I had the boy with me until christmas day and we were kind of content to be in each other's company, although we did go out to hang with my old charlotte friends a few times.  But after I left, I thought I'd be going out all the time.  Instead, I didn't go out at all, except for new year's, but that was just at my old best friend's house and didn't count as "out."  I saw all my old friends from when I lived here, and I think I just ultimately feel like I don't really belong here anymore.  I used to have my niche with a certain group of people who I would just go out with and party but it isn't like that at all anymore.  I'd rather stay in, which isn't anything different, but in the old days I was at least very gung-ho about being out when I was out.  Now every time I've gone out I couldn't help but wish I was just back at home.  I just don't feel like I have any place in Charlotte life anymore.  I don't feel better or worse than it, just like I found where I truly belong, on the road, and I've grown out of all of that.  I still love my old friends, but I'm in a completely different place.  Nobody was here who was dying to have me come hang out, because I had been gone almost a whole year and everybody moved on.  Normally I'd be livid that everyone was hanging out without me, but I don't really care anymore.  I didn't expect an Amber-shaped hole to form, I just didn't expect the Charlotte-shaped hole to fill in inside me quite so quickly.

It's a good place to come home to, but my real home and my real friend-family is now on the road.  I didn't expect it all to happen within a year of my getting on the road, but I feel hopeful and excited for the year to come, and more than ready to leave this banker's city in the dust.  I still might not exactly fit in with the rennie community, but I don't exactly fit in with my old life, either.  I at least found a few people who my sense of humor vibed with...and let's just face it...traveling is more fun!

The bottom line is, charlotte people may or may not have changed while I was gone, but I definitely did.  And I'm less sad to be leaving it behind this year than I was the last.