The Final Problem, pt. 2

Oh Moriarty, you devious cad!  

Tonight's my second night in the tiny town named after the "Napoleon of Crime."  When people say the name out here, I feel like they have NO idea who Moriarty is. 

The terrible news is, my car is dead forever.  I'm ridiculously sentimental towards objects, so it was sad for me to pull away (in a cherry red 2012 volkswagen jetta - sadly just a rental...) and see it one last time.  That car is so familiar to me, it's like saying goodbye to an old familiar face.  But sometimes the things we love die before their time, and we must say goodbye.  

Now I have the unenviable task of finding a new car in two months, that'll get me across the country and doesn't cost a ton.  What ended up being wrong was a piston blew in my engine, and it would cost more to fix than the car is worth, and I'd be stuck here for a WEEK.  No, thank you!  

So tomorrow, finally, I will be in Arizona.  Then I'll be stuck without a vehicle for a few weeks, probably...experiencing real rennie life, I guess.  It's all going to be very annoying, but for now I can't do anything but hang out in bed watching TV and hanging out on the internet...for the last time in a while, probably.  And for tomorrow, I get to drive a sweet new car through some of the most beautiful landscapes in the country... And for only a breezy 7 hours!  

The Final Problem, or, a character building exercise I never wanted

I've always had very vivid dreams, the kind where I'm convinced it's truly happening until I actually wake up and it's very obvious that it was a dream.  Normally something terrible is happening and I'm extremely relieved to wake up.  I'm still waiting to wake up from today, but I don't think it's going to happen.

I've been driving since friday, from north carolina to get to arizona.  Today was supposed to be my last day of driving.  About 5 hours in, in the middle of bumfuck nowhere new mexico, my car started shaking and making a crazy noise, so I pulled over on the ramp and stopped it.  I waited a while, trying it out, until it became clear that it was not going to start.  Now, the only thing on this exit was a house a little ways to the side, and a group of buildings mared Motel and Gas across the bridge on the other side of the interstate, so I started walking to the 'Motel'.  As I got closer, I noticed that there was a closed cafe and 'trucker bar' on the premises as well.  I walked closer to the tiny, low buildings, and a bunch of dogs behind a chain link fence started barking their heads off.  I was kind of wandering aimlessly because there was no sign of life except a few pickups scattered around, when all of a sudden a rottweiler, that was NOT behind a chain link fence, came running after me.   Now, I am NOT afraid of dogs, no matter what breed, so I didn't freak out and start running, instead just backed up and said soothingly, 'okay, okay, I'll go away...'  Once I started backing away it stopped chasing me, and luckily I didn't get chewed up by a loose dog.

So, I walked back across the bridge to my car, trying very hard not to burst into tears, because that wouldn't help anything.  After a little while of sitting in my car, a car pulls up and they ask if I'm alright.  I told them what happened and the guy said, 'let me get my uncle, he's a mechanic!' and they pulled away and lo and behold, they were the people who lived in the house, the ONLY house on the exit!

To make a long story short, the uncle (who had one leg and had clearly been drinking) determined that I had a problem with my fuel line or timing in my engine, and he could do nothing to fix it.  So I called my motor club, which is like AAA but not, and had it towed to the mechanic they showed me, which of course is closed because today is Sunday, so I had to spend the extra money my dad gave me for my trip on another night in a motel.  I've been so exhausted and worried and sad that I'm alternating between bursting into tears, and feeling like I'm gonna throw up.  I haven't eaten anything and really should, but I don't know if I could even choke it down.  And, lucky me, the gas station next to the motel doesn't sell beer!

I normally have good luck with things like this, so I'm just really bummed that it's happening and I'm stuck in Moriarty, New Mexico, when I should be halfway to Arizona and the boy.  That's another thing that bums me out, after a month of being apart we would finally be reunited tonight, and now who knows when I'll get there?  If things like this happening are supposed to build character, I'd much rather be someone shallow who people roll their eyes at because they've never known hardship.  This is just the worst thing that could happen.  :(

farewell, charlotte

well, i haven't written in this for a while, obviously!

there would be all of the north carolina faire, my home show, to go through, but not much REALLY happened there.  i kind of redefined my relationship with a boy, we're kind of a thing, it's not a big deal.  I mean, it kind of is, but that's not for here.

I manage the clothing store Ophelia's in NC, and this year was markedly underwhelming.  Part of me feels like I could have focused more on the store, instead of my personal life, but, other than crowds, it was an underwhelming sales year at that show in general.  It was a year, it was gotten through, I had a dude living in the booth with me who also happened to be present at my family thanksgiving and christmas eves, a first time for me.  No big deal.

The weirdest thing I noticed since being on the road was how...not home I felt when I got home.  Sure, it's great to be with my parents and I love them more than anything.  I had the boy with me until christmas day and we were kind of content to be in each other's company, although we did go out to hang with my old charlotte friends a few times.  But after I left, I thought I'd be going out all the time.  Instead, I didn't go out at all, except for new year's, but that was just at my old best friend's house and didn't count as "out."  I saw all my old friends from when I lived here, and I think I just ultimately feel like I don't really belong here anymore.  I used to have my niche with a certain group of people who I would just go out with and party but it isn't like that at all anymore.  I'd rather stay in, which isn't anything different, but in the old days I was at least very gung-ho about being out when I was out.  Now every time I've gone out I couldn't help but wish I was just back at home.  I just don't feel like I have any place in Charlotte life anymore.  I don't feel better or worse than it, just like I found where I truly belong, on the road, and I've grown out of all of that.  I still love my old friends, but I'm in a completely different place.  Nobody was here who was dying to have me come hang out, because I had been gone almost a whole year and everybody moved on.  Normally I'd be livid that everyone was hanging out without me, but I don't really care anymore.  I didn't expect an Amber-shaped hole to form, I just didn't expect the Charlotte-shaped hole to fill in inside me quite so quickly.

It's a good place to come home to, but my real home and my real friend-family is now on the road.  I didn't expect it all to happen within a year of my getting on the road, but I feel hopeful and excited for the year to come, and more than ready to leave this banker's city in the dust.  I still might not exactly fit in with the rennie community, but I don't exactly fit in with my old life, either.  I at least found a few people who my sense of humor vibed with...and let's just face it...traveling is more fun!

The bottom line is, charlotte people may or may not have changed while I was gone, but I definitely did.  And I'm less sad to be leaving it behind this year than I was the last.