tex-ass

It's been a pretty uneventful few weeks.  After my Shamber Adventure I was decidedly anti-partying, although I did allow myself to get dragged to the Funky Formal by my fairy friend Erica, a positive influence always.  I had been drinking half the day already, and the boy was planning to go but I was being a humbug so I was ready to call it a night when she came by with a bottle of wine and after some catching up I relented.  I'm glad I did because I had a ton of fun dancing and randomly meeting a boy who was born in the same county as I was in New York...definitely a strange thing when we're in, you know, Waxahachie Texas at a rennies-only restaurant in the middle of kind of nowhere.  Also, the juices and berries were flowing so I went right ahead and laid in the stream and let it float me behind the waterfall.  (Euphemisms, woo!) 

We spent the next day tucked in bed while a thunderstorm raged outside, which was exactly the kind of situation I wanted.  Every rumble of thunder that shook the bed made us giggle.  Well, everything pretty much made us giggle.  It was a nice day.  

Other than that, the days have kind of blended together.  Money's tight and Texas is boring, and I haven't been in the best frame of mind for socializing, although the boy's BFF and his girlfriend are fun to hang out with, we end up getting drunk with them a few nights a week.  

The area around the faire has been beset with storms and tornado warnings, which I'm currently riding out at the moment although this latest hasn't hit yet.  The Big One that was supposed to hit us last week ended up just being wind and super heavy rain.  The storm last night sent a branch plummeting down to our neighbor's roof, although luckily it was caught in a tangle of other branches.  Our neighbor on the other side of us had the exact same thing happen a few weeks ago, so I'm counting us extremely lucky.  

Nothing much else to report.  Hopefully this tornado watch will also prove to be nothing much.  

I'm so ready to get to Colorado, and although it really sucks that we have 2 weekends in between (no work on weekends = no money!) we are able to stay in a cabin in the mountains not far from site, a cabin with a huge TV and internet and netflix and and and and and I'm excited.

dammit, moon moon!

Not very long ago, I used to get shitfaced drunk out with my friends nearly every night of the week, or at least more than once a week.  I used to fall a lot until I was basically permanently covered in bruises and scraped, most of my jeans/leggings/tights had rips in the knees, I had a pair of leggings with a huge hole in the thigh because I snagged them climbing a fence into someone's backyard (which I thought was my friend's backyard, but was actually one house over.  I also sat in that mystery person's front steps and fell off of them onto my face and got a bloody nose from the pavement.) , that sort of thing.  I have a huge scar on my left knee from a new year's eve when a girl launched herself at me for a hug, and being drunk and in high heels, I fell forward (on top of her) and skinned my entire knee.  My left hand has several scars on it from falling onto my left palm on concrete, etc.  That Amber hasn't been around for a while, but last wednesday night, I turned into her again!

It all started because BF's tattoo appointment was canceled, so we had some extra money to spend.  We'd been planning to just get a few beers or not drink at all wed night, but now that we had some cash we decided to drive to the liquor store (which is about 20 minutes away, because this faire is in a dry county, UGH!) for a bottle of vodka.  Normally we go through a few bottles a week but we never get like, wasted crazy falling over drunk.  Here we just have one that lasts for a week and drink beer the rest of the time.  But I still haven't been getting DRUNK drunk, just slightly buzzed and then pass out.

We sat in our front yard drinking for a bit until our friend came home.  I hoped that we'd just stay at his place (right across the street from ours) to drink, but they suggested we go to a girl's birthday party.  I didn't want to go because this girl is the same who came up to me randomly at a party in New York and whispered something cruel in my ear, then walked away, leaving me mortified and to run back to my tent, where I stayed for pretty much the rest of the show because I couldn't believe anyone would act lie that.  As far as I know, I've never done anything to this girl except come over to her house with my friend, who was pretty much my only friend in NY, and just...be at her house, not really talking to anyone because I'm shy around new people.  Sorry, I guess?  Anyway.  It was her bday party and I knew it was going on and did not want to go.  But everybody else did, and I figured I wouldn't be doing any wrong, since we were bringing our own alcohol and so wouldn't be mooching off of anyone in any way.

Anyway blah blah, we went to the party, and I was having a great time, especially once people broke out instruments and started a music jam.  The girl's a really good musician and every time I see her play I'm just like, hearts and flowers because she's so good.  (another reason why her being mean to me hurt me so much...) Anyway I was sitting on a bench, drunkly, having a good time and kind of singing along with a song of hers that I knew, WHICH EVERYONE ELSE WAS DOING, ALL VERY LOUDLY ALONG WITH LOUD MUSIC PLAYING, ALL DRUNKLY.  BF had gone into the darkness somewhere and I thought he'd gone home.  Anyway I went outside and was kind of smoking a cigarette by myself, when the girl came up to me and ONCE AGAIN WHISPERED SOMETHING CRUEL AND UNCALLED FOR INTO MY EAR.  (basically 'you should just be quiet/quieter when you sing along.) which hurt my feelings because everyone was singing along loudly, what is this girl's problem with me, I have no idea!  So I was very upset and feelings hurt, so I thought to myself FUCK THIS like I did the last time, and decided to go home.

Except, unlike last time, my tent was not just up the hill from the party, but about halfway across site and then also through a lot of the campground, and it was pitch black, and I was WAY drunker than I had been the last time.  The walk home is mostly blurry, but at one point I was walking out of the bathroom, when the strap on my flip flop broke, pitching me forward and once again, to scrape and bruise the shit out of my knees, elbows, and hands, just like ole' Shamber of the past!   I tried several times to just put the shoe on my foot, and clamp the strap in between my toes, but this just kept sending me, over and over, onto my knees and hands.  All during this, BF was calling me, but I was too drunk to communicate to him where I was, so I just kept hanging up on him.  ("where are you?  what do you see around you?"  "THE SKY.  GRASS.  A FEW STARS?  I DON'T KNOW FFAFHSUIHSJKNG *hang up*)

Finally I guess I decided to give up and laid down in a ditch.  Luckily the ditch was close to where he was, and he came across me kind of rolling around in the mud, grumbling to myself.  He got the car and picked me up and put me in it, then brought me back to the tent.  I don't remember ANY of the rest of the night, except at one point I burst into tears and kept telling him over and over that i KNEW he didn't really love me, or even like me, or care about me in any way, which made him really mad, as it should have because he'd been really worried about me disappearing and then being lost on site, and had been all over looking for me :( .  But I cried for a while and then woke up a few hours later, about 6 in the morning, and said "DID YOU GET THE VODKA?!" to which he laughed and replied that he had, and that I still had my phone AND cigarettes (all I'd brought with me.)  I woke up later in the day and he filled in the parts about finding me in a ditch, etc.  I apologized profusely, told him about the old days when this sort of thing happened a lot, and we laughed over my bruised knees and my one broken drunkfoot flip flop, which was covered in blood.

I know this all sounds terrible, but I haven't been this way for a really long time.  I WOULDN'T have been this way if I hadn't had my feelings so hurt by this girl AGAIN.  I'm just not going to socialize with her any more, and if she's around anywhere that I go I'll stay as far from her and out of her way as possible, I guess.  Also this all happened on the faire site so it's not like I was in a city or town, I wasn't that far away from my place the whole time.  And luckily my boyfriend was there to save me.

Now he's taken to calling me Moon Moon (after the retarded werewolf meme...look it up because I personally find it hilarious).  And hopefully it'll be at least another few months before Shamber comes out again.  Tonight's the weekly Spin party (spin the wheel!  odd numbers=girls drink!  even=guys drink! 100= SOCIAL!) but I'll only be having beer at that, and that's like 5 tents down from mine so I'm not worried.

P.S. this is kind of a vanity thing I guess, but if you're reading/read this blog, please let me know!  at this point I feel kind of like my dad is the only one who looks at it and that's kind of weird.  It'd be nice to know if some people are actually looking at it, or if I'm just writing to myself (and my dad.  hi dad!)  It'll be helpful, so I can kind of know what I should be writing about or not.  Anyway, yeah, thanks for reading! :)