no one can see me

I went to new york City last week, and I'm going again next week!  I loved it more than ever this trip.  Sometimes when I go, I don't like it and the subway is menacing and the streets are impossible to navigate.  But this time, I had fun navigating Port Authority and Penn Station by myself and all the trains magically pulled into the station at the exact time as I was walking into the station.   I think I liked the city so much this time because I felt so anonymous, finally.  I liked walking around and knowing that no one knew who I was or where I worked and no one cared what I was doing.  I'm pretty sure it's the same here but sometimes when I start my car I just know at least 3 people will turn and look at me and it feels so heavy that they all know my name.

bangarang

I told myself I had to write, so I am writing.  Ummm, what?

I just had Bobby shave off a piece of the side of my hair.  I love it.  I can hide it if I want, or show it off, but either way I love it.  There are a bunch of other girls with undercuts at the faire so I finally went ahead and did it.

I am liking New York so far, the show is awesome.  I am making so much money!!!  I love love love working at the Cappucino Inn.  All day I just write on cups and hand drinks to people.  Sometimes they want the drinks to be complicated, but I don't have to make the drinks so I don't mind.  I get as many free drinks all day as I want, and people tip really well.

I have yet to make it into the city, but I'm planning on going next week.  I can't wait to see my paaaaalllsssss.  Usually I go to NYC at least twice a year, for new year's and my birthday.  Obviously I couldn't make it for my birthday as I was in Colorado, but this'll make up for it.

I've been feeling pretty loner-ish at this show.  I only hang out with one group of people, and then only a few nights a week.  I kind of feel like I don't fit in and that only a few of them actually like me, but that might be because I'm so quiet that I probably seem a bit snooty.  It doesn't really matter though, because my attitude towards everything lately has been 'OH WELL WHO CARES.'  I think I am just building a shell against the severely annoying random things that happen to me almost every day.  For instance, today I went to get some food and I had to go inside to use the bathroom, and walked right into a nightmare where there were kids screaming and moms screaming at the kids, every cashier was a thousand years old and moving at a snail's pace, the thousand year old cashier looked at me like I was crazy when i asked him to put mustard on my burger and just sneered, "we don't have mustard.  but I can give you a mustard packet."  and then never gave me a mustard packet.  That sort of thing.  Oh also I was severely hungover.    Anyway, when these things happen, I just scream OH WELL WHO CARES at the problem until I really don't care.

Another annoying thing is that I feel like I have no one to talk to, or no one is ever responding to me when I try to talk to them.  I just got a new phone and I'm so lonely here that I try to text my friends back home or elsewhere and just....silence.  WHAT THE FUCK, GUYS?  I can't feel oh well who cares about it because i DO care that I feel totally alone and abandoned.  I could always just go and be more social here, but sometimes it's too hard (TWSS).

Whatever.  I'll navigate around my feelings/lack of feelings and the road leads me home next, anyway.  That is sad too because my parents had to put down my dog a couple months ago, and I didn't get to really say goodbye to her.  I don't think I mentioned that on here...but yeah.  It was a tragedy.

Don't even get me started on the internet situation in this location.  It is bonkers.  Anyway.

Here I am in New York!  The reason I haven't updated in a while is because there hasn't been much to update.  I've been spending all my time just hanging out with my friend at his booth watching movies and getting drunk, etc.

But now I'm in New York!

I got a job selling coffee and tea at the Cappucino Inn.  Apparently the tips are great at this show so I could be making a lot more money than I have at the other shows.  Colorado was a total bust as far as that was concerned, and I really disliked my job (never ended up working in the capes booth, just tying corsets all day until all the skin on my fingers ripped off...) and wasn't right for it, and what with the fires raging all over the state, nobody really came out, and if they did they didn't buy anything.  It's an awesome state, though, and I did have a good time friending around with my friend.  We spent, I think, every day together for 6 weeks but 3.  Now we're in separate states and it's weird.  I miss him, but it'll be a really good thing to not have something to fall back on every day and actually go out and make new friends.  I live across the path from some gutter punk looking kids, so that's promising!  During the week, though, I'll probably be spending as much time as possible in the city with my best friends.

The drive from Colorado to New York was pretty intense.  In Pennsylvania I started hallucinating and the mountains were so foggy and spooky and the moon was full and I watched all these crazy clouds turning into freaky shapes:  a dragon with the moon for it's eye, a giant bat reaching out with its hand and eating the moon.  It was surreal and awesome.  Everyone told me that Kansas majorly sucks to drive through, but there were lightning storms there all night as we drove through so it was actually pretty cool to see.  I wouldn't want to repeat it again, though.  At least...not til next year!

monkey mountain peasant song

Colorado continues to be breathtakingly beautiful, and I still love living here, despite the fact that it's impossible to keep one's feet clean...

My 27th birthday was a few days ago, my first one where I wasn't with any of my close friends.  But my friends out here made sure that I had a great one.  There's a tradition where you get dollars pinned to your chest and when people see you they add to the pins...I made quite a few bucks!  Part of the pinned dollars, however, is that you're opening yourself up to get assassinated...with pie!  Only someone who has been pied on their birthday can be a pie assassin, and if you pie someone a. when it isn't their birthday or b. when you haven't been pied, you become a Pie Bitch and can be pied by anyone at any point during the year.
A pie-ing doesn't mean that you have to have an entire like, cherry pie smooshed in your face.  A handful of whipped cream or even a whipped cream smeared on the nose will do.  I got both!  My friend's girlfriend got me right after midnight with a handful of whipped cream, and then another friend of mine, Skinny, bought me a yummy shot with whipped cream and she dabbed it on my nose.  I also got 2 "cake shots", which are amazing shots of vodka+ frangelica chased by a sugared lime that taste exactly like chocolate cake.  Several more drinks were bought for me of course, and I ended the night very happily drunk in my own little bed.

The ACTUAL day of my birthday (this was Sunday night, when everyone goes out to the bar) I had a car mishap, where poor Silver overheated!  A check in the radiator tank showed that there was absolutely NO coolant in there at all.  Luckily the corner store in Larkspur had one last bottle of antifreeze, so I poured that in and it's been fine ever since.  Car trouble out here on the road is dangerous, because we don't make much money and it can be hard to take care of.
Instead of getting wasted again and partying, I spent the day at my friend's house watching movies and relaxing which is exactly what I like to do the most.  This is the "friend" i've been "spending time" with in Scarborough and wasn't sure if we still would here...well, we are.  Mostly I bring him into town when he needs it and he lets me hang out at his booth which has electricity, so I can watch movies.

My best friend Rick got me a room in a 4-star hotel in Denver for Wednesday night, and I brought my friend along as well.  We had a glorious time turning the AC down as far as we could stand, watching TV , swimming in the hotel pool, drinking, of course, and going out on the town with my friend from high school who lives here now.  We were also super excited about the shower...it was a really nice shower.  We took at least 2 showers each.

Alas, it's back to the life without windows or showers or refrigerators...I'm still loving it though!

5am in the korean spa/down in castle rock, dun dun, down in castle rock!

The car is packed, my meager camping deposit is in hand, and it's off to the next location in my journey, Colorado!

Bobby and I decided to come to King Spa, a giant korean style sauna/spa here in Dallas, to relax, detox, and sleep before our drive.  There are 9 sauna rooms, each with different healing properties and themes (salt room, pyramid room, far infrared ray, etc. )  There's also a spa area with hot tubs (and a cold tub!) that's separated by sex (because you have to be naked...eek!)  We sweat it out in all the rooms and I did a couple dips into the hot tub/cold tub etc.

2 days later:
So I was interrupted by Bobby coming out of the locker and getting ready to leave, and now I'm in Colorado!  I'm back in my natural habitat!  This could mean two things:  surrounded by mountains, (beautiful, gorgeous mountains) and also in a small local coffeeshop with free wifi.

I'm loving Colorado so far!  The faire hasn't started yet, but I hear it's not the greatest as far as faires go, other than for making money. (woo!)  But the area and the mountains and everything about the actual state, I love!  It's the exact opposite of Texas...Texas can suck a dick, but the faire was amazing.  Well, I don't know how this faire will go yet.  I'm optimistic?

I'm camped with Bobby and Ron.  Our little campsite is called Camp LaCroix, because Bobby calls me Amber LaCroix, and the shape of the camp is actually a little cross (LaCroix meaning The Cross, of course...)  my tent is the Capitol, and I'm the Queen, meaning I'm the one who tells them to shut up and stop bickering, which they don't obey but it's alright.  Bobby is the King of Queens, and Ron lives in LaCroix East, otherwise known as The Bottoms or the slums, where anything goes.  We met a super cool dude who lives kind of above us named Will, and he's the Mayor of LaCroix because he lives in a different district and has an unbiased opinion.

Last night, our first night in our camp (but not in Colorado - Bobby and I got here too late to check in to the site, so he bought us a hotel room for the night...an AMAZING room for super cheap!) we were playing dice in the Plaza and getting drunk off of only a couple beers.  The altitude makes getting drunk so cheap!  I can get tipsy off of only one beer!  We decided to walk to the bar to get food, because it's only down the hill and not a bad walk at all.  The bar was uneventful, but as we were walking back, we passed by this little restaurant called Vigil's (vee-HEEL'S) and a subaru outback came blazing down the street after us and pulled into the parking lot.  The owner of the car opened his door and yelled 'I HAVE FREE TEQUILA SHOTS!'  Without discussing it with each other, we all turned immediately into the parking lot and followed the dude inside.  Turns out his name is Chris, he owns the restaurant, and was basically just doing PR to get us to tell others about the restaurant and to become patrons ourselves.  He asked us about what rennies like to drink, prices they'll pay, etc.  He also gave us 2 little samples of green, and a second shot!  We all went back out into the night, flabbergasted and amazed that that had just happened.

About halfway up the hill, here comes his car again, and he stops by us, and HANDS OUT THE ALMOST FULL BOTTLE OF TEQUILA.  We all crowded around his window hugging him and crying thank you thank you!  And off he sped into the distance.  So we went back to Camp LaCroix and got even more drunk.

We all woke up early this morning to huddle in the tiny bit of shade in front of my tent and sample some of Chris' contribution, before piling into my car and going down the street to the Corner Market for water and cigarettes and gas, before crossing the street to Vigil's for delicious breakfast burritos.  I brought everyone back home, and immediately left to come to Castle Rock, a picturesque town just 15 minutes away with a huge rock formation that kiiiiind of looks like a castle (I don't think whoever named it had ever seen a real castle).  I'

Heigh-Ho, Silver!

What happens to Amber after 2 weeks of no phone, no Internet, and no car?  Well...I'm not sure.  Nothing, I guess.  I actually Did Stuff and hung out with my friends.  Lots of alcohol and recreational drugs were involved.  I danced, I bickered, I swam, I babysat, I got bitten by a million mosquitos and spiders.  But now my car is fixed and I have access to internet again, and access to real alone time, which is important to me and which I haven't really had.  I love my friends but I cannot hang out with people for more than a few days in a row at a time, because all the bickering and moving from one place to another and Activities is just too much for me sometimes, and I get really irritable.  But everything is fine now!

We're coming up on the last weekend of Scarborough, and I'm really excited to move on to the next faire, in Colorado.  Not because I don't LOOOOOOOVE it here, because I really do, but because it's FUCKING HOT and I'm tired of being a total sweaty gross mess every day, of not being able to stay in my tent for fear of heatstroke, of not being able to sit still at night because I'm being devoured by mosquitos.  I'm tired of waking up with horrible, oozing spider bites that turn purple, and not being able to lay around all day with a boy (!!) because we can't touch each other without both turning into hot sweaty messes.  That may or may not happen anyway, but.... I'll never tell.  :)   Well I'll tell a little...I have been hanging out with a boy, but he is not going to be my boyfriend, we're just enjoying each other's company.  We may or may not continue our tryst in Colorado, but either way I'm having a good time and enjoying the benefits of a friend with benefits.  Anyway...

I'm driving to Colorado with my friend Bobby Booom, who has quickly become my best friend out here. Trust me to find the gayest black man on any festival circuit ever to become my sistie bestie.  His normal traveling companion is going to a different faire in massachusetts, so we'll be supporting each other and all that out in Colorado.  A lot of other friends are also going, and some aren't.  It's always sad to part at the end of the show and possibly not see some people you've been close with for a whole year!  Luckily for me all my favorites are pretty much going to be on the same circuit as me for the rest of the year, so I don't have to shed any tears.  Except for my friend Erica who I caravanned to Texas with...I don't know if I'll see her again til Arizona!  And Katie Kaboom, the manager of Ophelia's.  Since I'm also a manager, there's not many faires that we'd go to that would overlap.  It's the nature of the road, though, and makes it all the better when you're reunited!

I should probably write a post reflecting on this show, but after this weekend (a 3 day) there isn't a huge crunch for time because Colorado doesn't start until the weekend after next.  Sometime during the flurry of activity of packing up and getting ready next week I'll do that.  Maybe.

ooh, a piece of candy!

Remember a few entries ago where I said that I kept smelling skunks, but it turned out to be the pot instead?  Well, early this morning I woke up because I was smelling a horrible smell.  At first I thought the wind was at an unfortunate angle from the portajohns (which are SO gross here...seriously, why is this the most expensive show to camp at?  There's NEVER any toilet paper and they only get cleaned on Friday and Monday.)  However, after a few minutes I realized it was real SKUNK smell.  A skunk must have been skunkin' along when it came across someone's dog or cat and SKUNKED it.  The smell was gone when I woke up, so it wasn't a dead skunk at least.  That shit lingers for days and days, and we're all already dealing with the rancid, twice-a-week cleaned portajohn smell.  Seriously, it's horrifying in there.  I had to buy my own toilet paper because it always runs out like, the day after they clean and refill it.  There are only like 3 johns for the entire lower road to use and it gets pretty nasty.

Here's a funny rennie bathroom story:  I'm used to either using the portas or the "flushies", which as the name implies are real toilets.  I only use them when I'm somewhere on site or at the Junque because they're right there, but they have automatic flush so basically I haven't touched a toilet flush knob in a while.  So the other day I was in Starbucks and had to tinkle, and as I was leaving I touched the door handle and thought "Something is wrong..."  and I realized that I'd almost walked out without flushing, because I haven't had to do it in so long!  What a heathen I'm turning into.

Speaking of heathens, I was taking a shower this morning when a small baby child climbed under all the stalls and INTO MY STALL, and stood there staring at me as I backed into the corner, holding my razor and stammering, 'uh....go on...go find mommy....!"  a hand reached under the stall and grabbed the child as a disembodied voice apologized, but the damaged had been done and I was blushing so hard.  Not that it matters but this is the SECOND time a baby has just WALKED into my stall while I was showering (shaving my legs, as a matter of fact...bless you, free showers!)  and all the mom has done is been like, 'nooo, don't do that....' and then the kid did it anyway.  the first mom at least sounded a bit embarrassed, but today she was just laughing 'my daughter is a peeping tom!'  I'm not saying they need to slap their kids around or anything, but some parents just seem reluctant to discipline their kids.  It may have to do with the fact that there are people EVERYWHERE and EVERYONE can see what you're doing.

I was part of a conversation last week where a girl who's been on the road for 10 years made an offhand comment that confirmed my worst nightmare: that people are WATCHING YOU.  No matter what you do, people notice, and I've been trying so hard to tell myself that no one cares what I do or what I'm up to.  I'm sure that no one cares, but they still see.  I like to just appear places on my own terms and have people see me when I want them to, but that's all lost here.  I've been woken up to go take someone on errands, people force me to be social when I was planning on spending the day in bed reading...more often than not, it ends up being a good time, although I had to flee last night because some band was playing about Unconditional Love and Good Trades and I Need A Miracle and Do You Want To Be Free, and there is a LIMIT to the amount of hippie nonsense I can tolerate and I just could.  not.  So I went home and enjoyed my lingering stoned-ness and ate some chips and played angry birds.  And then I woke up to skunk smells and then I took a shower with a tiny peeping tom!

Really though, I'm having an amazing time and am so glad to be here, and really sad that the faire is ending in 5 weeks.  It feels like I've been here forever, whereas in Arizona the time flew by.  I'm going to continue making the most of my time here, though.

Goodbye for now!