It makes me so happy to see 'alternative' kids in Waxahachie, Texas. It's a super conservative Christian town, and oh so small. The high school is right across from the cafe where BF and I charge the computer, so when it lets out the kids come pouring in to do their homework and wait for their parents.
Just now, 4 boys walked in - eyeliner, hair dyed black/blue/pink, tight ripped up black pants, combat boots, etc. My eyes turned to hearts! Even though ANYWHERE ELSE I'd be super judgy to those kids, it makes me glad to see kids kind of rebelling against the norm in a town like this. They probably get made fun of a lot and people probably are worried that they're going to shoot up the school. But I love them. Like all kids who went super punk alternative indie emo whatever in high school, they'll probably mellow out once they get OUT of here. I hope they do. I also really hope they're faux satanists and not just alternative looking while still being super christian, although that might be too much to hope for here.
Also, hello! I'm back! I didn't realize it'd been a year since I wrote in this. I'm still on the road, still with my BF, and still in the same place I was when I last wrote! But a year has passed. I have a new tattoo. As of a week ago, I haven't been eating any processed foods or fast food or like, bread or potatoes or any starchy thing. It hasn't been very hard but it's only been a week so WE'LL SEE. We got a cooler so we've been able to eat a million times better than previously, when we basically ate out every day. Avocados are my friends.
I don't know!? I thought I had a lot to say but I guess I don't!??! I'm scared. Anyway, so long.
Friday, April 11, 2014
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
tex-ass
It's been a pretty uneventful few weeks. After my Shamber Adventure I was decidedly anti-partying, although I did allow myself to get dragged to the Funky Formal by my fairy friend Erica, a positive influence always. I had been drinking half the day already, and the boy was planning to go but I was being a humbug so I was ready to call it a night when she came by with a bottle of wine and after some catching up I relented. I'm glad I did because I had a ton of fun dancing and randomly meeting a boy who was born in the same county as I was in New York...definitely a strange thing when we're in, you know, Waxahachie Texas at a rennies-only restaurant in the middle of kind of nowhere. Also, the juices and berries were flowing so I went right ahead and laid in the stream and let it float me behind the waterfall. (Euphemisms, woo!)
We spent the next day tucked in bed while a thunderstorm raged outside, which was exactly the kind of situation I wanted. Every rumble of thunder that shook the bed made us giggle. Well, everything pretty much made us giggle. It was a nice day.
Other than that, the days have kind of blended together. Money's tight and Texas is boring, and I haven't been in the best frame of mind for socializing, although the boy's BFF and his girlfriend are fun to hang out with, we end up getting drunk with them a few nights a week.
The area around the faire has been beset with storms and tornado warnings, which I'm currently riding out at the moment although this latest hasn't hit yet. The Big One that was supposed to hit us last week ended up just being wind and super heavy rain. The storm last night sent a branch plummeting down to our neighbor's roof, although luckily it was caught in a tangle of other branches. Our neighbor on the other side of us had the exact same thing happen a few weeks ago, so I'm counting us extremely lucky.
Nothing much else to report. Hopefully this tornado watch will also prove to be nothing much.
I'm so ready to get to Colorado, and although it really sucks that we have 2 weekends in between (no work on weekends = no money!) we are able to stay in a cabin in the mountains not far from site, a cabin with a huge TV and internet and netflix and and and and and I'm excited.
Monday, May 6, 2013
dammit, moon moon!
Not very long ago, I used to get shitfaced drunk out with my friends nearly every night of the week, or at least more than once a week. I used to fall a lot until I was basically permanently covered in bruises and scraped, most of my jeans/leggings/tights had rips in the knees, I had a pair of leggings with a huge hole in the thigh because I snagged them climbing a fence into someone's backyard (which I thought was my friend's backyard, but was actually one house over. I also sat in that mystery person's front steps and fell off of them onto my face and got a bloody nose from the pavement.) , that sort of thing. I have a huge scar on my left knee from a new year's eve when a girl launched herself at me for a hug, and being drunk and in high heels, I fell forward (on top of her) and skinned my entire knee. My left hand has several scars on it from falling onto my left palm on concrete, etc. That Amber hasn't been around for a while, but last wednesday night, I turned into her again!
It all started because BF's tattoo appointment was canceled, so we had some extra money to spend. We'd been planning to just get a few beers or not drink at all wed night, but now that we had some cash we decided to drive to the liquor store (which is about 20 minutes away, because this faire is in a dry county, UGH!) for a bottle of vodka. Normally we go through a few bottles a week but we never get like, wasted crazy falling over drunk. Here we just have one that lasts for a week and drink beer the rest of the time. But I still haven't been getting DRUNK drunk, just slightly buzzed and then pass out.
We sat in our front yard drinking for a bit until our friend came home. I hoped that we'd just stay at his place (right across the street from ours) to drink, but they suggested we go to a girl's birthday party. I didn't want to go because this girl is the same who came up to me randomly at a party in New York and whispered something cruel in my ear, then walked away, leaving me mortified and to run back to my tent, where I stayed for pretty much the rest of the show because I couldn't believe anyone would act lie that. As far as I know, I've never done anything to this girl except come over to her house with my friend, who was pretty much my only friend in NY, and just...be at her house, not really talking to anyone because I'm shy around new people. Sorry, I guess? Anyway. It was her bday party and I knew it was going on and did not want to go. But everybody else did, and I figured I wouldn't be doing any wrong, since we were bringing our own alcohol and so wouldn't be mooching off of anyone in any way.
Anyway blah blah, we went to the party, and I was having a great time, especially once people broke out instruments and started a music jam. The girl's a really good musician and every time I see her play I'm just like, hearts and flowers because she's so good. (another reason why her being mean to me hurt me so much...) Anyway I was sitting on a bench, drunkly, having a good time and kind of singing along with a song of hers that I knew, WHICH EVERYONE ELSE WAS DOING, ALL VERY LOUDLY ALONG WITH LOUD MUSIC PLAYING, ALL DRUNKLY. BF had gone into the darkness somewhere and I thought he'd gone home. Anyway I went outside and was kind of smoking a cigarette by myself, when the girl came up to me and ONCE AGAIN WHISPERED SOMETHING CRUEL AND UNCALLED FOR INTO MY EAR. (basically 'you should just be quiet/quieter when you sing along.) which hurt my feelings because everyone was singing along loudly, what is this girl's problem with me, I have no idea! So I was very upset and feelings hurt, so I thought to myself FUCK THIS like I did the last time, and decided to go home.
Except, unlike last time, my tent was not just up the hill from the party, but about halfway across site and then also through a lot of the campground, and it was pitch black, and I was WAY drunker than I had been the last time. The walk home is mostly blurry, but at one point I was walking out of the bathroom, when the strap on my flip flop broke, pitching me forward and once again, to scrape and bruise the shit out of my knees, elbows, and hands, just like ole' Shamber of the past! I tried several times to just put the shoe on my foot, and clamp the strap in between my toes, but this just kept sending me, over and over, onto my knees and hands. All during this, BF was calling me, but I was too drunk to communicate to him where I was, so I just kept hanging up on him. ("where are you? what do you see around you?" "THE SKY. GRASS. A FEW STARS? I DON'T KNOW FFAFHSUIHSJKNG *hang up*)
Finally I guess I decided to give up and laid down in a ditch. Luckily the ditch was close to where he was, and he came across me kind of rolling around in the mud, grumbling to myself. He got the car and picked me up and put me in it, then brought me back to the tent. I don't remember ANY of the rest of the night, except at one point I burst into tears and kept telling him over and over that i KNEW he didn't really love me, or even like me, or care about me in any way, which made him really mad, as it should have because he'd been really worried about me disappearing and then being lost on site, and had been all over looking for me :( . But I cried for a while and then woke up a few hours later, about 6 in the morning, and said "DID YOU GET THE VODKA?!" to which he laughed and replied that he had, and that I still had my phone AND cigarettes (all I'd brought with me.) I woke up later in the day and he filled in the parts about finding me in a ditch, etc. I apologized profusely, told him about the old days when this sort of thing happened a lot, and we laughed over my bruised knees and my one broken drunkfoot flip flop, which was covered in blood.
I know this all sounds terrible, but I haven't been this way for a really long time. I WOULDN'T have been this way if I hadn't had my feelings so hurt by this girl AGAIN. I'm just not going to socialize with her any more, and if she's around anywhere that I go I'll stay as far from her and out of her way as possible, I guess. Also this all happened on the faire site so it's not like I was in a city or town, I wasn't that far away from my place the whole time. And luckily my boyfriend was there to save me.
Now he's taken to calling me Moon Moon (after the retarded werewolf meme...look it up because I personally find it hilarious). And hopefully it'll be at least another few months before Shamber comes out again. Tonight's the weekly Spin party (spin the wheel! odd numbers=girls drink! even=guys drink! 100= SOCIAL!) but I'll only be having beer at that, and that's like 5 tents down from mine so I'm not worried.
P.S. this is kind of a vanity thing I guess, but if you're reading/read this blog, please let me know! at this point I feel kind of like my dad is the only one who looks at it and that's kind of weird. It'd be nice to know if some people are actually looking at it, or if I'm just writing to myself (and my dad. hi dad!) It'll be helpful, so I can kind of know what I should be writing about or not. Anyway, yeah, thanks for reading! :)
It all started because BF's tattoo appointment was canceled, so we had some extra money to spend. We'd been planning to just get a few beers or not drink at all wed night, but now that we had some cash we decided to drive to the liquor store (which is about 20 minutes away, because this faire is in a dry county, UGH!) for a bottle of vodka. Normally we go through a few bottles a week but we never get like, wasted crazy falling over drunk. Here we just have one that lasts for a week and drink beer the rest of the time. But I still haven't been getting DRUNK drunk, just slightly buzzed and then pass out.
We sat in our front yard drinking for a bit until our friend came home. I hoped that we'd just stay at his place (right across the street from ours) to drink, but they suggested we go to a girl's birthday party. I didn't want to go because this girl is the same who came up to me randomly at a party in New York and whispered something cruel in my ear, then walked away, leaving me mortified and to run back to my tent, where I stayed for pretty much the rest of the show because I couldn't believe anyone would act lie that. As far as I know, I've never done anything to this girl except come over to her house with my friend, who was pretty much my only friend in NY, and just...be at her house, not really talking to anyone because I'm shy around new people. Sorry, I guess? Anyway. It was her bday party and I knew it was going on and did not want to go. But everybody else did, and I figured I wouldn't be doing any wrong, since we were bringing our own alcohol and so wouldn't be mooching off of anyone in any way.
Anyway blah blah, we went to the party, and I was having a great time, especially once people broke out instruments and started a music jam. The girl's a really good musician and every time I see her play I'm just like, hearts and flowers because she's so good. (another reason why her being mean to me hurt me so much...) Anyway I was sitting on a bench, drunkly, having a good time and kind of singing along with a song of hers that I knew, WHICH EVERYONE ELSE WAS DOING, ALL VERY LOUDLY ALONG WITH LOUD MUSIC PLAYING, ALL DRUNKLY. BF had gone into the darkness somewhere and I thought he'd gone home. Anyway I went outside and was kind of smoking a cigarette by myself, when the girl came up to me and ONCE AGAIN WHISPERED SOMETHING CRUEL AND UNCALLED FOR INTO MY EAR. (basically 'you should just be quiet/quieter when you sing along.) which hurt my feelings because everyone was singing along loudly, what is this girl's problem with me, I have no idea! So I was very upset and feelings hurt, so I thought to myself FUCK THIS like I did the last time, and decided to go home.
Except, unlike last time, my tent was not just up the hill from the party, but about halfway across site and then also through a lot of the campground, and it was pitch black, and I was WAY drunker than I had been the last time. The walk home is mostly blurry, but at one point I was walking out of the bathroom, when the strap on my flip flop broke, pitching me forward and once again, to scrape and bruise the shit out of my knees, elbows, and hands, just like ole' Shamber of the past! I tried several times to just put the shoe on my foot, and clamp the strap in between my toes, but this just kept sending me, over and over, onto my knees and hands. All during this, BF was calling me, but I was too drunk to communicate to him where I was, so I just kept hanging up on him. ("where are you? what do you see around you?" "THE SKY. GRASS. A FEW STARS? I DON'T KNOW FFAFHSUIHSJKNG *hang up*)
Finally I guess I decided to give up and laid down in a ditch. Luckily the ditch was close to where he was, and he came across me kind of rolling around in the mud, grumbling to myself. He got the car and picked me up and put me in it, then brought me back to the tent. I don't remember ANY of the rest of the night, except at one point I burst into tears and kept telling him over and over that i KNEW he didn't really love me, or even like me, or care about me in any way, which made him really mad, as it should have because he'd been really worried about me disappearing and then being lost on site, and had been all over looking for me :( . But I cried for a while and then woke up a few hours later, about 6 in the morning, and said "DID YOU GET THE VODKA?!" to which he laughed and replied that he had, and that I still had my phone AND cigarettes (all I'd brought with me.) I woke up later in the day and he filled in the parts about finding me in a ditch, etc. I apologized profusely, told him about the old days when this sort of thing happened a lot, and we laughed over my bruised knees and my one broken drunkfoot flip flop, which was covered in blood.
I know this all sounds terrible, but I haven't been this way for a really long time. I WOULDN'T have been this way if I hadn't had my feelings so hurt by this girl AGAIN. I'm just not going to socialize with her any more, and if she's around anywhere that I go I'll stay as far from her and out of her way as possible, I guess. Also this all happened on the faire site so it's not like I was in a city or town, I wasn't that far away from my place the whole time. And luckily my boyfriend was there to save me.
Now he's taken to calling me Moon Moon (after the retarded werewolf meme...look it up because I personally find it hilarious). And hopefully it'll be at least another few months before Shamber comes out again. Tonight's the weekly Spin party (spin the wheel! odd numbers=girls drink! even=guys drink! 100= SOCIAL!) but I'll only be having beer at that, and that's like 5 tents down from mine so I'm not worried.
P.S. this is kind of a vanity thing I guess, but if you're reading/read this blog, please let me know! at this point I feel kind of like my dad is the only one who looks at it and that's kind of weird. It'd be nice to know if some people are actually looking at it, or if I'm just writing to myself (and my dad. hi dad!) It'll be helpful, so I can kind of know what I should be writing about or not. Anyway, yeah, thanks for reading! :)
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
....????,,,,,
me and my boyfriendddd are at starbucks writing mean notes to each other about the other people. i can't help it, they're the ones in here talking about the bible and god and all that like it's real. i'm mostly worried he's going to lose it and start yelling at them or say something too loud and they'll get mad at us and we'll have to leave. he can be unpredictable. but we're outnumbered here, who knows what the texans will do when their precious jesus is slandered. learn real history, dudes, there have been so many jesus myths. SIGH.
the first weekend at this faire was okay. we did really well on saturday and then on sunday not so great. again, texas, jesus, church, sunday, etc. i am helping to sell these things called Grichels. they're grumpy looking faces made out of wrinkled leather. some of them have realistic human eyes and some have animal eyes. they're pretty cool and they have quite a following. they're easy to sell because they sell themselves. it's fun working there because one of the guys i work with at the coffee shop got me the job and he really believes in me and how awesome i am...i'm glad because sometimes i'm not sure that i'm all that great at selling. it's fun though. the days go by fast. on sunday a woman came in and her card declined and it was dramatic because her ex-husband had closed down her account without telling her! and he was her ex of one week and he was her ex because she found photos of him doing it with another man on his phone. !!!!!! they were married 28 years and had kids and grandkids!!!! i felt sorry for her and also mad at her husband because he obviously was too afraid or conditioned (BY TEXAS AND THEIR MISGUIDED JESUSY WAYS) that being gay is wrong. and that's what is actually wrong. what's a bigger sin, being gay or living a lie for your entire life and wasting it and wasting someone else's life for 28 years and making a lot of other people's lives a lie as well? this is what's wrong with people in america. people don't think they're allowed to be who they are because of what they think the bible means, a book written and rewritten and re-re-written hundreds of years ago by people who lived hundreds of years ago.
another thing that's wrong with america is that i can lay in bed in excrutiating pain in the middle of the night, worrying that it might get so bad that i'll have to go to the ER and i can't afford to be in pain or hurt, willing myself to get better because i can't go to the hospital or to the doctor. that years ago when i sliced open my leg i considered having my friend stitch it up because i couldn't afford to go to the hospital. that everybody doesn't feel this way, that i should be allowed to get sick and then be able to go to the hospital without worrying about going broke or my parents going broke, is baffling to me. but i'm not going to go into a huge diatribe about THAT... as long as there's ibuprofen and thermacare i should be fine but it's not fun waking up in the middle of the night not being able to stretch out because my side and shoulder were both so cramped up, i could literally only lay curled up on my side like a bug. how does that even happen!?
the funniest thing at the end of the night on faire days is when i and the boy get home we're both so sore and tired, quite the pair. i don't see how anybody can go out and get drunk after working so hard on their feet for so long. i just need better shoes or more pairs so i can switch in and out of them during the day, apparently this is the way to make your feet not hurt so much.
well, this has gotten way longer than i thought it would be. i guess i'll stop.
the first weekend at this faire was okay. we did really well on saturday and then on sunday not so great. again, texas, jesus, church, sunday, etc. i am helping to sell these things called Grichels. they're grumpy looking faces made out of wrinkled leather. some of them have realistic human eyes and some have animal eyes. they're pretty cool and they have quite a following. they're easy to sell because they sell themselves. it's fun working there because one of the guys i work with at the coffee shop got me the job and he really believes in me and how awesome i am...i'm glad because sometimes i'm not sure that i'm all that great at selling. it's fun though. the days go by fast. on sunday a woman came in and her card declined and it was dramatic because her ex-husband had closed down her account without telling her! and he was her ex of one week and he was her ex because she found photos of him doing it with another man on his phone. !!!!!! they were married 28 years and had kids and grandkids!!!! i felt sorry for her and also mad at her husband because he obviously was too afraid or conditioned (BY TEXAS AND THEIR MISGUIDED JESUSY WAYS) that being gay is wrong. and that's what is actually wrong. what's a bigger sin, being gay or living a lie for your entire life and wasting it and wasting someone else's life for 28 years and making a lot of other people's lives a lie as well? this is what's wrong with people in america. people don't think they're allowed to be who they are because of what they think the bible means, a book written and rewritten and re-re-written hundreds of years ago by people who lived hundreds of years ago.
another thing that's wrong with america is that i can lay in bed in excrutiating pain in the middle of the night, worrying that it might get so bad that i'll have to go to the ER and i can't afford to be in pain or hurt, willing myself to get better because i can't go to the hospital or to the doctor. that years ago when i sliced open my leg i considered having my friend stitch it up because i couldn't afford to go to the hospital. that everybody doesn't feel this way, that i should be allowed to get sick and then be able to go to the hospital without worrying about going broke or my parents going broke, is baffling to me. but i'm not going to go into a huge diatribe about THAT... as long as there's ibuprofen and thermacare i should be fine but it's not fun waking up in the middle of the night not being able to stretch out because my side and shoulder were both so cramped up, i could literally only lay curled up on my side like a bug. how does that even happen!?
the funniest thing at the end of the night on faire days is when i and the boy get home we're both so sore and tired, quite the pair. i don't see how anybody can go out and get drunk after working so hard on their feet for so long. i just need better shoes or more pairs so i can switch in and out of them during the day, apparently this is the way to make your feet not hurt so much.
well, this has gotten way longer than i thought it would be. i guess i'll stop.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
spring's awakening
It's cold in Texas! the sky is menacingly grey but I don't think it's supposed to rain anymore. it rained a lot last night, but we have a big tarp over our new tent so it didn't get our stuff wet. i even have a little hidden covered spot to pee when it's raining too hard and dark enough that no one will see me. other than that we are very close to the portas but i don't want to step in the mud or let ONE drop of water touch me.
texas is the weirdest state. at least, the weirdest i've been to. probably the only state worse than texas is florida, but i haven't been to florida in so long and will probably never, ever go again.
everyone is very concerned with being christian and what jesus thinks and what you think jesus thinks about you and what you think jesus and god want you to do with your life. it's also highly concentrated here, because there's a christian college in this town. even the hipster coffee shop is run by hipster jesus freaks. i just came to starbucks today because even though they're evil, corporate, etc. i love their passion tea lemonade. also the ONLY other place in town is the hipster coffee shop and it's a garage and has no climate control.
This is the funnest show, though I don't want to have any fun because it's too cold. I just want to stay here on the internet or go home and wrap up in bed and read. I'm in the middle of at least 5 books now. I keep picking random ones up and then putting them down to read another one that fits my mood better. I've never been good at reading one book at a time, unless it's a really, really good book and then I finish it in a day. The last book I read was called Arcadia, which I named my car after. It's about a boy who was born in a commune in the 60s or 70s and then has to go live in the real world. It was really good, the writing was really good. The ending was depressing, basically any part where he wasn't living in Arcadia anymore and had a jerk wife and a jerk daughter. Nobody should ever have kids.
Both the boy and I got jobs at this show last minute. His was much more last minute, like literally the day we got here. Mine was finalized the last day of Arizona. I don't like neither of us knowing if we have a job or not. At least I'm all set for the rest of the year.
We stayed at the King Spa for a night before we made it to the faire. I don't remember if I've written about it before. It's a huge korean spa with many different sauna rooms, and hot tubs and cold tubs and steam saunas. You have to walk around naked in the hot tub rooms, and wearing these weird pajamas in the saunas. They have delicious korean food, and a movie room where you can curl up in a giant recliner and go to sleep. It's really cheap for a 24 hour stay, only $30! It's great for after or before a long journey. We're definitely stopping through on our way to Colorado.
Maybe I'll write again before Colorado...but who knows? Nothing much is really happening and I plan on being more social this show. But then, I always say that, and always end up hermit-ing away after all.
texas is the weirdest state. at least, the weirdest i've been to. probably the only state worse than texas is florida, but i haven't been to florida in so long and will probably never, ever go again.
everyone is very concerned with being christian and what jesus thinks and what you think jesus thinks about you and what you think jesus and god want you to do with your life. it's also highly concentrated here, because there's a christian college in this town. even the hipster coffee shop is run by hipster jesus freaks. i just came to starbucks today because even though they're evil, corporate, etc. i love their passion tea lemonade. also the ONLY other place in town is the hipster coffee shop and it's a garage and has no climate control.
This is the funnest show, though I don't want to have any fun because it's too cold. I just want to stay here on the internet or go home and wrap up in bed and read. I'm in the middle of at least 5 books now. I keep picking random ones up and then putting them down to read another one that fits my mood better. I've never been good at reading one book at a time, unless it's a really, really good book and then I finish it in a day. The last book I read was called Arcadia, which I named my car after. It's about a boy who was born in a commune in the 60s or 70s and then has to go live in the real world. It was really good, the writing was really good. The ending was depressing, basically any part where he wasn't living in Arcadia anymore and had a jerk wife and a jerk daughter. Nobody should ever have kids.
Both the boy and I got jobs at this show last minute. His was much more last minute, like literally the day we got here. Mine was finalized the last day of Arizona. I don't like neither of us knowing if we have a job or not. At least I'm all set for the rest of the year.
We stayed at the King Spa for a night before we made it to the faire. I don't remember if I've written about it before. It's a huge korean spa with many different sauna rooms, and hot tubs and cold tubs and steam saunas. You have to walk around naked in the hot tub rooms, and wearing these weird pajamas in the saunas. They have delicious korean food, and a movie room where you can curl up in a giant recliner and go to sleep. It's really cheap for a 24 hour stay, only $30! It's great for after or before a long journey. We're definitely stopping through on our way to Colorado.
Maybe I'll write again before Colorado...but who knows? Nothing much is really happening and I plan on being more social this show. But then, I always say that, and always end up hermit-ing away after all.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Arcadia, or, dream life
Well, it's amazing how much can change in such a short time. Last time I wrote in here I was distraught from the extremely annoying 'my car blew up in the middle of nowhere new mexico' situation. I drove the remaining miles to Arizona in a beautiful, brand new, cherry red 2012 volkswagon jetta. Of course, this was just a rental car, not my forever car. It was fun to drive though. It was fun to drive a car that I knew wasn't going to explode at any moment and also that I didn't have to mash my foot down really hard to get it to accelerate above 60mph.
I finally made it to Arizona and to my boy friend's parent's house, where we proceeded to do exactly what we did in North Carolina (and colorado for that matter), settle into a pile and watch movies and TV shows all day while drinking copious amounts of vodka and smoking many cigarettes (and a good deal of medicinal hash, as well. )
Finally, faire started and we semi-moved on site, although I still spent most time at his parent's house since his mom drove us, I had no car, and didn't want to be stuck on site with no electricity or company (he works all week.)
All the time I've been stuck there, I was looking for a new car. after several unsuccessful trips (and a few crying jags where I felt like only bad things were happening to me and nothing good, which is ridiculous because I love my job at this faire - the cappuccino inn again - and have been making good money, have a boyfriend who is also my best friend and who i want to spend all my time with...) I FINALLY found it...my dream car. Literally! One morning when I was in the middle state between sleep and waking, a voice whispered in my ear 'the car will be dark blue....' I semi-ignored it but always kept he thought in the back of my mind. When all hope seemed lost, it suddenly appeared. A 2000 subaru outback, dark blue and grey, for the right price. And now she is mine! I named her Arcadia, because I've always liked the word and it means a kind of Utopia. And there's a book about a commune called Arcadia and one of the characters is named Astrid, and the car before my last one was named Astrid.) I love it because I've wanted this kind of car for years and years, and whenever I step outside now and see it parked anywhere, my first thought is: GIVE ME YOUR CAR! and then my second thought is,IT IS MY CAR!!! so that's exciting.
I also foud a job for Colorado, a job that I think I will like, because it involves selling real fossils and I love fossils. If it works out and I do like it and fit in there, I'll have all jobs that I really like and make good money at, at every faire that I do. Last year Arizona and Colorado were both bad shows where I hated my job. Now this year I LOVE my job in AZ, and hopefully will in Colorado, too. Any job that requires me to do research about fossils and stuff is good for me, honestly.
So things are going really, really well in my life right now. I'm kind of nervous about it, because I keep waiting for things to be really bad. But then I remember that things WERE very bad for a while, so this is things getting back to good, which I absolutely deserve. It is nice to write in here about good things happening instead of complaining about shitty stuff. It feels weird to be kind of puking rainbows everywhere though, so I will say that the general public is still annoying and dumb. So...there's that!
I finally made it to Arizona and to my boy friend's parent's house, where we proceeded to do exactly what we did in North Carolina (and colorado for that matter), settle into a pile and watch movies and TV shows all day while drinking copious amounts of vodka and smoking many cigarettes (and a good deal of medicinal hash, as well. )
Finally, faire started and we semi-moved on site, although I still spent most time at his parent's house since his mom drove us, I had no car, and didn't want to be stuck on site with no electricity or company (he works all week.)
All the time I've been stuck there, I was looking for a new car. after several unsuccessful trips (and a few crying jags where I felt like only bad things were happening to me and nothing good, which is ridiculous because I love my job at this faire - the cappuccino inn again - and have been making good money, have a boyfriend who is also my best friend and who i want to spend all my time with...) I FINALLY found it...my dream car. Literally! One morning when I was in the middle state between sleep and waking, a voice whispered in my ear 'the car will be dark blue....' I semi-ignored it but always kept he thought in the back of my mind. When all hope seemed lost, it suddenly appeared. A 2000 subaru outback, dark blue and grey, for the right price. And now she is mine! I named her Arcadia, because I've always liked the word and it means a kind of Utopia. And there's a book about a commune called Arcadia and one of the characters is named Astrid, and the car before my last one was named Astrid.) I love it because I've wanted this kind of car for years and years, and whenever I step outside now and see it parked anywhere, my first thought is: GIVE ME YOUR CAR! and then my second thought is,IT IS MY CAR!!! so that's exciting.
I also foud a job for Colorado, a job that I think I will like, because it involves selling real fossils and I love fossils. If it works out and I do like it and fit in there, I'll have all jobs that I really like and make good money at, at every faire that I do. Last year Arizona and Colorado were both bad shows where I hated my job. Now this year I LOVE my job in AZ, and hopefully will in Colorado, too. Any job that requires me to do research about fossils and stuff is good for me, honestly.
So things are going really, really well in my life right now. I'm kind of nervous about it, because I keep waiting for things to be really bad. But then I remember that things WERE very bad for a while, so this is things getting back to good, which I absolutely deserve. It is nice to write in here about good things happening instead of complaining about shitty stuff. It feels weird to be kind of puking rainbows everywhere though, so I will say that the general public is still annoying and dumb. So...there's that!
Monday, January 21, 2013
The Final Problem, pt. 2
Oh Moriarty, you devious cad!
Tonight's my second night in the tiny town named after the "Napoleon of Crime." When people say the name out here, I feel like they have NO idea who Moriarty is.
The terrible news is, my car is dead forever. I'm ridiculously sentimental towards objects, so it was sad for me to pull away (in a cherry red 2012 volkswagen jetta - sadly just a rental...) and see it one last time. That car is so familiar to me, it's like saying goodbye to an old familiar face. But sometimes the things we love die before their time, and we must say goodbye.
Now I have the unenviable task of finding a new car in two months, that'll get me across the country and doesn't cost a ton. What ended up being wrong was a piston blew in my engine, and it would cost more to fix than the car is worth, and I'd be stuck here for a WEEK. No, thank you!
So tomorrow, finally, I will be in Arizona. Then I'll be stuck without a vehicle for a few weeks, probably...experiencing real rennie life, I guess. It's all going to be very annoying, but for now I can't do anything but hang out in bed watching TV and hanging out on the internet...for the last time in a while, probably. And for tomorrow, I get to drive a sweet new car through some of the most beautiful landscapes in the country... And for only a breezy 7 hours!
Sunday, January 20, 2013
The Final Problem, or, a character building exercise I never wanted
I've always had very vivid dreams, the kind where I'm convinced it's truly happening until I actually wake up and it's very obvious that it was a dream. Normally something terrible is happening and I'm extremely relieved to wake up. I'm still waiting to wake up from today, but I don't think it's going to happen.
I've been driving since friday, from north carolina to get to arizona. Today was supposed to be my last day of driving. About 5 hours in, in the middle of bumfuck nowhere new mexico, my car started shaking and making a crazy noise, so I pulled over on the ramp and stopped it. I waited a while, trying it out, until it became clear that it was not going to start. Now, the only thing on this exit was a house a little ways to the side, and a group of buildings mared Motel and Gas across the bridge on the other side of the interstate, so I started walking to the 'Motel'. As I got closer, I noticed that there was a closed cafe and 'trucker bar' on the premises as well. I walked closer to the tiny, low buildings, and a bunch of dogs behind a chain link fence started barking their heads off. I was kind of wandering aimlessly because there was no sign of life except a few pickups scattered around, when all of a sudden a rottweiler, that was NOT behind a chain link fence, came running after me. Now, I am NOT afraid of dogs, no matter what breed, so I didn't freak out and start running, instead just backed up and said soothingly, 'okay, okay, I'll go away...' Once I started backing away it stopped chasing me, and luckily I didn't get chewed up by a loose dog.
So, I walked back across the bridge to my car, trying very hard not to burst into tears, because that wouldn't help anything. After a little while of sitting in my car, a car pulls up and they ask if I'm alright. I told them what happened and the guy said, 'let me get my uncle, he's a mechanic!' and they pulled away and lo and behold, they were the people who lived in the house, the ONLY house on the exit!
To make a long story short, the uncle (who had one leg and had clearly been drinking) determined that I had a problem with my fuel line or timing in my engine, and he could do nothing to fix it. So I called my motor club, which is like AAA but not, and had it towed to the mechanic they showed me, which of course is closed because today is Sunday, so I had to spend the extra money my dad gave me for my trip on another night in a motel. I've been so exhausted and worried and sad that I'm alternating between bursting into tears, and feeling like I'm gonna throw up. I haven't eaten anything and really should, but I don't know if I could even choke it down. And, lucky me, the gas station next to the motel doesn't sell beer!
I normally have good luck with things like this, so I'm just really bummed that it's happening and I'm stuck in Moriarty, New Mexico, when I should be halfway to Arizona and the boy. That's another thing that bums me out, after a month of being apart we would finally be reunited tonight, and now who knows when I'll get there? If things like this happening are supposed to build character, I'd much rather be someone shallow who people roll their eyes at because they've never known hardship. This is just the worst thing that could happen. :(
I've been driving since friday, from north carolina to get to arizona. Today was supposed to be my last day of driving. About 5 hours in, in the middle of bumfuck nowhere new mexico, my car started shaking and making a crazy noise, so I pulled over on the ramp and stopped it. I waited a while, trying it out, until it became clear that it was not going to start. Now, the only thing on this exit was a house a little ways to the side, and a group of buildings mared Motel and Gas across the bridge on the other side of the interstate, so I started walking to the 'Motel'. As I got closer, I noticed that there was a closed cafe and 'trucker bar' on the premises as well. I walked closer to the tiny, low buildings, and a bunch of dogs behind a chain link fence started barking their heads off. I was kind of wandering aimlessly because there was no sign of life except a few pickups scattered around, when all of a sudden a rottweiler, that was NOT behind a chain link fence, came running after me. Now, I am NOT afraid of dogs, no matter what breed, so I didn't freak out and start running, instead just backed up and said soothingly, 'okay, okay, I'll go away...' Once I started backing away it stopped chasing me, and luckily I didn't get chewed up by a loose dog.
So, I walked back across the bridge to my car, trying very hard not to burst into tears, because that wouldn't help anything. After a little while of sitting in my car, a car pulls up and they ask if I'm alright. I told them what happened and the guy said, 'let me get my uncle, he's a mechanic!' and they pulled away and lo and behold, they were the people who lived in the house, the ONLY house on the exit!
To make a long story short, the uncle (who had one leg and had clearly been drinking) determined that I had a problem with my fuel line or timing in my engine, and he could do nothing to fix it. So I called my motor club, which is like AAA but not, and had it towed to the mechanic they showed me, which of course is closed because today is Sunday, so I had to spend the extra money my dad gave me for my trip on another night in a motel. I've been so exhausted and worried and sad that I'm alternating between bursting into tears, and feeling like I'm gonna throw up. I haven't eaten anything and really should, but I don't know if I could even choke it down. And, lucky me, the gas station next to the motel doesn't sell beer!
I normally have good luck with things like this, so I'm just really bummed that it's happening and I'm stuck in Moriarty, New Mexico, when I should be halfway to Arizona and the boy. That's another thing that bums me out, after a month of being apart we would finally be reunited tonight, and now who knows when I'll get there? If things like this happening are supposed to build character, I'd much rather be someone shallow who people roll their eyes at because they've never known hardship. This is just the worst thing that could happen. :(
Saturday, January 12, 2013
farewell, charlotte
well, i haven't written in this for a while, obviously!
there would be all of the north carolina faire, my home show, to go through, but not much REALLY happened there. i kind of redefined my relationship with a boy, we're kind of a thing, it's not a big deal. I mean, it kind of is, but that's not for here.
I manage the clothing store Ophelia's in NC, and this year was markedly underwhelming. Part of me feels like I could have focused more on the store, instead of my personal life, but, other than crowds, it was an underwhelming sales year at that show in general. It was a year, it was gotten through, I had a dude living in the booth with me who also happened to be present at my family thanksgiving and christmas eves, a first time for me. No big deal.
The weirdest thing I noticed since being on the road was how...not home I felt when I got home. Sure, it's great to be with my parents and I love them more than anything. I had the boy with me until christmas day and we were kind of content to be in each other's company, although we did go out to hang with my old charlotte friends a few times. But after I left, I thought I'd be going out all the time. Instead, I didn't go out at all, except for new year's, but that was just at my old best friend's house and didn't count as "out." I saw all my old friends from when I lived here, and I think I just ultimately feel like I don't really belong here anymore. I used to have my niche with a certain group of people who I would just go out with and party but it isn't like that at all anymore. I'd rather stay in, which isn't anything different, but in the old days I was at least very gung-ho about being out when I was out. Now every time I've gone out I couldn't help but wish I was just back at home. I just don't feel like I have any place in Charlotte life anymore. I don't feel better or worse than it, just like I found where I truly belong, on the road, and I've grown out of all of that. I still love my old friends, but I'm in a completely different place. Nobody was here who was dying to have me come hang out, because I had been gone almost a whole year and everybody moved on. Normally I'd be livid that everyone was hanging out without me, but I don't really care anymore. I didn't expect an Amber-shaped hole to form, I just didn't expect the Charlotte-shaped hole to fill in inside me quite so quickly.
It's a good place to come home to, but my real home and my real friend-family is now on the road. I didn't expect it all to happen within a year of my getting on the road, but I feel hopeful and excited for the year to come, and more than ready to leave this banker's city in the dust. I still might not exactly fit in with the rennie community, but I don't exactly fit in with my old life, either. I at least found a few people who my sense of humor vibed with...and let's just face it...traveling is more fun!
The bottom line is, charlotte people may or may not have changed while I was gone, but I definitely did. And I'm less sad to be leaving it behind this year than I was the last.
there would be all of the north carolina faire, my home show, to go through, but not much REALLY happened there. i kind of redefined my relationship with a boy, we're kind of a thing, it's not a big deal. I mean, it kind of is, but that's not for here.
I manage the clothing store Ophelia's in NC, and this year was markedly underwhelming. Part of me feels like I could have focused more on the store, instead of my personal life, but, other than crowds, it was an underwhelming sales year at that show in general. It was a year, it was gotten through, I had a dude living in the booth with me who also happened to be present at my family thanksgiving and christmas eves, a first time for me. No big deal.
The weirdest thing I noticed since being on the road was how...not home I felt when I got home. Sure, it's great to be with my parents and I love them more than anything. I had the boy with me until christmas day and we were kind of content to be in each other's company, although we did go out to hang with my old charlotte friends a few times. But after I left, I thought I'd be going out all the time. Instead, I didn't go out at all, except for new year's, but that was just at my old best friend's house and didn't count as "out." I saw all my old friends from when I lived here, and I think I just ultimately feel like I don't really belong here anymore. I used to have my niche with a certain group of people who I would just go out with and party but it isn't like that at all anymore. I'd rather stay in, which isn't anything different, but in the old days I was at least very gung-ho about being out when I was out. Now every time I've gone out I couldn't help but wish I was just back at home. I just don't feel like I have any place in Charlotte life anymore. I don't feel better or worse than it, just like I found where I truly belong, on the road, and I've grown out of all of that. I still love my old friends, but I'm in a completely different place. Nobody was here who was dying to have me come hang out, because I had been gone almost a whole year and everybody moved on. Normally I'd be livid that everyone was hanging out without me, but I don't really care anymore. I didn't expect an Amber-shaped hole to form, I just didn't expect the Charlotte-shaped hole to fill in inside me quite so quickly.
It's a good place to come home to, but my real home and my real friend-family is now on the road. I didn't expect it all to happen within a year of my getting on the road, but I feel hopeful and excited for the year to come, and more than ready to leave this banker's city in the dust. I still might not exactly fit in with the rennie community, but I don't exactly fit in with my old life, either. I at least found a few people who my sense of humor vibed with...and let's just face it...traveling is more fun!
The bottom line is, charlotte people may or may not have changed while I was gone, but I definitely did. And I'm less sad to be leaving it behind this year than I was the last.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
don't turn your back me
Hey, this thing almost has 1,000 pageviews! Thanks for viewing my page.
I keep reminding myself that I have to write, write, write. It's easier to write when stuff is actually going on.
After an unpleasant, 5-second encounter in a night that was otherwise very fun and pleasant, I ran home (Sunday nights I always seem to run home, happy that I'm free of the burden of all my friends talking at once, very quickly, while slowly starting to ignore me.) to lie in bed thinking "fuck this, fuck this." I woke up with a hangover, of course, thought "fuck THIS" again and fled to the library where I sat angrily staring out the window at the most perfect, beautiful day. I also ate a bagel next to a fake waterfall and let the waterfall splash on me a little. After the bagel I felt better. I don't feel "fuck this" anymore, I am just ready to go home. I remembered something that I tell myself all the time, that I heard in a podcast. "It's okay to just walk away." "You don't HAVE to hang out with anybody." I am being vague, I'll just say that a girl scolded me and I hate being scolded. Nobody here knows anything about me. How could you be mean to the quiet girl, oh because your girlfriend sells drugs and you're always on drugs and everybody is drunk. Well, that's fine.
I have 2 books to finish before I move back to NC and will possibly have no time to finish a book. I'm going to be living with that boy again, a problem which i am half pleased about/half worried about. It isn't really a big deal, I am mostly excited to be going back to North Carolina. It's perfect to live in NC for only 4 months out of the year, just enough time so that I don't become dull and start hating it. Spending the hottest months in a mountain climate (although this year it was as hot as anywhere in Colorado.) although next year I might do Bonnaroo and Grassroots instead. You work every day there, maybe I would serve Yeasayer and Kanye West burritos. Wouldn't that be awesome? A girl told me, "You should have a boyfriend if you go to those shows. Otherwise you will just have boys ALL OVER YOU." Sounds alright to me!
I decided to decide to start running. Basically I want to lose weight but I don't want to give up my lifestyle of eating whatever I want and drinking lots of beers. Running seems like the best exercise because once you're out and start running, you're too far away to just quit and go back and take a nap. You have to at LEAST walk back to where you began, which is still exercise. Also, you can do it anywhere, etc. I almost went for my first "run" (walking mostly, running for one minute intervals) today in the state park, but it's always so dark inside when I pass by, and I don't know if there's parking close to the entrance, and I didn't have much gas and didn't want to get stuck in the dark, scary forest. Excuses, excuses! The real excuse is I don't have real running shoes and I don't want to fuck my feet up before I've even properly begun. So there!
Despite all these worries and troubles, strangely, this is the best show so far. I make a lot more money than at any of the other shows, I like my job a LOT, and I like the people I work for, and with. All of these factors have never come together in any of my other jobs, except Ophelia's in Texas and NC. Hopefully I can have the same job in Arizona. We don't make such good tips there but it would still be better than what I made this year at that wings-selling job which I HATED. I think I am just so antsy because I'm so close to home. If this was the first show or even a middle show I'd be so happy. Also New York/New Jersey is kind of a ridiculous place. I'm finally starting to see why my parents moved us to NC. OH MY SWEEEEET CAROLINA!
I keep reminding myself that I have to write, write, write. It's easier to write when stuff is actually going on.
After an unpleasant, 5-second encounter in a night that was otherwise very fun and pleasant, I ran home (Sunday nights I always seem to run home, happy that I'm free of the burden of all my friends talking at once, very quickly, while slowly starting to ignore me.) to lie in bed thinking "fuck this, fuck this." I woke up with a hangover, of course, thought "fuck THIS" again and fled to the library where I sat angrily staring out the window at the most perfect, beautiful day. I also ate a bagel next to a fake waterfall and let the waterfall splash on me a little. After the bagel I felt better. I don't feel "fuck this" anymore, I am just ready to go home. I remembered something that I tell myself all the time, that I heard in a podcast. "It's okay to just walk away." "You don't HAVE to hang out with anybody." I am being vague, I'll just say that a girl scolded me and I hate being scolded. Nobody here knows anything about me. How could you be mean to the quiet girl, oh because your girlfriend sells drugs and you're always on drugs and everybody is drunk. Well, that's fine.
I have 2 books to finish before I move back to NC and will possibly have no time to finish a book. I'm going to be living with that boy again, a problem which i am half pleased about/half worried about. It isn't really a big deal, I am mostly excited to be going back to North Carolina. It's perfect to live in NC for only 4 months out of the year, just enough time so that I don't become dull and start hating it. Spending the hottest months in a mountain climate (although this year it was as hot as anywhere in Colorado.) although next year I might do Bonnaroo and Grassroots instead. You work every day there, maybe I would serve Yeasayer and Kanye West burritos. Wouldn't that be awesome? A girl told me, "You should have a boyfriend if you go to those shows. Otherwise you will just have boys ALL OVER YOU." Sounds alright to me!
I decided to decide to start running. Basically I want to lose weight but I don't want to give up my lifestyle of eating whatever I want and drinking lots of beers. Running seems like the best exercise because once you're out and start running, you're too far away to just quit and go back and take a nap. You have to at LEAST walk back to where you began, which is still exercise. Also, you can do it anywhere, etc. I almost went for my first "run" (walking mostly, running for one minute intervals) today in the state park, but it's always so dark inside when I pass by, and I don't know if there's parking close to the entrance, and I didn't have much gas and didn't want to get stuck in the dark, scary forest. Excuses, excuses! The real excuse is I don't have real running shoes and I don't want to fuck my feet up before I've even properly begun. So there!
Despite all these worries and troubles, strangely, this is the best show so far. I make a lot more money than at any of the other shows, I like my job a LOT, and I like the people I work for, and with. All of these factors have never come together in any of my other jobs, except Ophelia's in Texas and NC. Hopefully I can have the same job in Arizona. We don't make such good tips there but it would still be better than what I made this year at that wings-selling job which I HATED. I think I am just so antsy because I'm so close to home. If this was the first show or even a middle show I'd be so happy. Also New York/New Jersey is kind of a ridiculous place. I'm finally starting to see why my parents moved us to NC. OH MY SWEEEEET CAROLINA!
Friday, August 31, 2012
babies having babies
Today, instead of posting about my life at the renaissance festival, (I drive to the library every day, I eat salads and grilled cheeses almost exclusively, I'm bored with everyone every day but Sunday nights) I am going to write a rant!
At my age, it's not unusual to have many friends who have children. Some of them even have multiple children by now. I don't think any of my friends with kids are bad parents, at all, but something that I saw while lurking facebook really disturbed me. A girl I went to high school with who just had her 3rd child (what's the rush, people! what happened to enjoying your twenties??) posted one of those corny image macro things, which said:
"without my children,
my house would be clean,
my wallet would be full,
but my heart would be empty."
Of course all the other mommies liked it, including ANOTHER girl I went to high school with who has 3 children and is engaged to be married a second time (we're all only 27.) I really don't care if you want to have a ton of kids, but it makes me really sad to read something like that. It implies that those of us who have chosen not to start having kids right out of high school, or, you know, have chosen to use birth control, are EMPTY in our HEARTS because we don't have children. The way I've always seen it is that having children doesn't make you more complete, it breaks pieces of you off and then sends them out into a cruel world to ignore all your good advice, make you constantly worried, and constantly ask you for money. Of course that's the ultimate worst part of having kids, and I know that there are joys every day of watching someone learn the world again for the first time blah blah etc. It just bothers me when people make their WHOLE lives about their kids and leave no part for themselves.
My parents definitely had their own lives outside of me, which I don't remember ever feeling resentful about as a child, because they still had plenty of time for me. Of course, I'm an only child, but if I had a sibling I don't think it would've been any different. I think they were complete in themselves before they had me and I think they are complete in themselves and as a unit together now that I'm grown and sort of flown the nest.
And I feel like I'm complete in myself now, as a single, never-been-married, childless, approaching 30 (god) woman. I don't feel the need to have kids to complete myself, and while I'd like a partner in crime to spend my days and nights with, I'm not OBSESSED with the idea of finding him. It's fun to be able to go where I want, travel the country, sleep all day, eat when I'm hungry, flirt with boys, drink all night if I want, do the occasional drug that comes my way, etc. I SHOULD be doing this, because I'm still young.
Not that there are parents that I know who are all about their kids. Most of my closer friends who have kids still go out from time to time, and their job isn't "being a parent." They're all happy family units without spending every day posting obsessive pics of their children. I think the most telling sign of losing yourself to your children is having a picture of your child as YOUR profile picture on facebook. How sad is that? I, for one, think it's really sad.
In conclusion, my heart is empty for a lot of reasons, but being childless is NOT one of them.
There was my rant on people with kids, I hope you liked it.
At my age, it's not unusual to have many friends who have children. Some of them even have multiple children by now. I don't think any of my friends with kids are bad parents, at all, but something that I saw while lurking facebook really disturbed me. A girl I went to high school with who just had her 3rd child (what's the rush, people! what happened to enjoying your twenties??) posted one of those corny image macro things, which said:
"without my children,
my house would be clean,
my wallet would be full,
but my heart would be empty."
Of course all the other mommies liked it, including ANOTHER girl I went to high school with who has 3 children and is engaged to be married a second time (we're all only 27.) I really don't care if you want to have a ton of kids, but it makes me really sad to read something like that. It implies that those of us who have chosen not to start having kids right out of high school, or, you know, have chosen to use birth control, are EMPTY in our HEARTS because we don't have children. The way I've always seen it is that having children doesn't make you more complete, it breaks pieces of you off and then sends them out into a cruel world to ignore all your good advice, make you constantly worried, and constantly ask you for money. Of course that's the ultimate worst part of having kids, and I know that there are joys every day of watching someone learn the world again for the first time blah blah etc. It just bothers me when people make their WHOLE lives about their kids and leave no part for themselves.
My parents definitely had their own lives outside of me, which I don't remember ever feeling resentful about as a child, because they still had plenty of time for me. Of course, I'm an only child, but if I had a sibling I don't think it would've been any different. I think they were complete in themselves before they had me and I think they are complete in themselves and as a unit together now that I'm grown and sort of flown the nest.
And I feel like I'm complete in myself now, as a single, never-been-married, childless, approaching 30 (god) woman. I don't feel the need to have kids to complete myself, and while I'd like a partner in crime to spend my days and nights with, I'm not OBSESSED with the idea of finding him. It's fun to be able to go where I want, travel the country, sleep all day, eat when I'm hungry, flirt with boys, drink all night if I want, do the occasional drug that comes my way, etc. I SHOULD be doing this, because I'm still young.
Not that there are parents that I know who are all about their kids. Most of my closer friends who have kids still go out from time to time, and their job isn't "being a parent." They're all happy family units without spending every day posting obsessive pics of their children. I think the most telling sign of losing yourself to your children is having a picture of your child as YOUR profile picture on facebook. How sad is that? I, for one, think it's really sad.
In conclusion, my heart is empty for a lot of reasons, but being childless is NOT one of them.
There was my rant on people with kids, I hope you liked it.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
no one can see me
I went to new york City last week, and I'm going again next week! I loved it more than ever this trip. Sometimes when I go, I don't like it and the subway is menacing and the streets are impossible to navigate. But this time, I had fun navigating Port Authority and Penn Station by myself and all the trains magically pulled into the station at the exact time as I was walking into the station. I think I liked the city so much this time because I felt so anonymous, finally. I liked walking around and knowing that no one knew who I was or where I worked and no one cared what I was doing. I'm pretty sure it's the same here but sometimes when I start my car I just know at least 3 people will turn and look at me and it feels so heavy that they all know my name.
Friday, August 17, 2012
bangarang
I told myself I had to write, so I am writing. Ummm, what?
I just had Bobby shave off a piece of the side of my hair. I love it. I can hide it if I want, or show it off, but either way I love it. There are a bunch of other girls with undercuts at the faire so I finally went ahead and did it.
I am liking New York so far, the show is awesome. I am making so much money!!! I love love love working at the Cappucino Inn. All day I just write on cups and hand drinks to people. Sometimes they want the drinks to be complicated, but I don't have to make the drinks so I don't mind. I get as many free drinks all day as I want, and people tip really well.
I have yet to make it into the city, but I'm planning on going next week. I can't wait to see my paaaaalllsssss. Usually I go to NYC at least twice a year, for new year's and my birthday. Obviously I couldn't make it for my birthday as I was in Colorado, but this'll make up for it.
I've been feeling pretty loner-ish at this show. I only hang out with one group of people, and then only a few nights a week. I kind of feel like I don't fit in and that only a few of them actually like me, but that might be because I'm so quiet that I probably seem a bit snooty. It doesn't really matter though, because my attitude towards everything lately has been 'OH WELL WHO CARES.' I think I am just building a shell against the severely annoying random things that happen to me almost every day. For instance, today I went to get some food and I had to go inside to use the bathroom, and walked right into a nightmare where there were kids screaming and moms screaming at the kids, every cashier was a thousand years old and moving at a snail's pace, the thousand year old cashier looked at me like I was crazy when i asked him to put mustard on my burger and just sneered, "we don't have mustard. but I can give you a mustard packet." and then never gave me a mustard packet. That sort of thing. Oh also I was severely hungover. Anyway, when these things happen, I just scream OH WELL WHO CARES at the problem until I really don't care.
Another annoying thing is that I feel like I have no one to talk to, or no one is ever responding to me when I try to talk to them. I just got a new phone and I'm so lonely here that I try to text my friends back home or elsewhere and just....silence. WHAT THE FUCK, GUYS? I can't feel oh well who cares about it because i DO care that I feel totally alone and abandoned. I could always just go and be more social here, but sometimes it's too hard (TWSS).
Whatever. I'll navigate around my feelings/lack of feelings and the road leads me home next, anyway. That is sad too because my parents had to put down my dog a couple months ago, and I didn't get to really say goodbye to her. I don't think I mentioned that on here...but yeah. It was a tragedy.
Don't even get me started on the internet situation in this location. It is bonkers. Anyway.
I just had Bobby shave off a piece of the side of my hair. I love it. I can hide it if I want, or show it off, but either way I love it. There are a bunch of other girls with undercuts at the faire so I finally went ahead and did it.
I am liking New York so far, the show is awesome. I am making so much money!!! I love love love working at the Cappucino Inn. All day I just write on cups and hand drinks to people. Sometimes they want the drinks to be complicated, but I don't have to make the drinks so I don't mind. I get as many free drinks all day as I want, and people tip really well.
I have yet to make it into the city, but I'm planning on going next week. I can't wait to see my paaaaalllsssss. Usually I go to NYC at least twice a year, for new year's and my birthday. Obviously I couldn't make it for my birthday as I was in Colorado, but this'll make up for it.
I've been feeling pretty loner-ish at this show. I only hang out with one group of people, and then only a few nights a week. I kind of feel like I don't fit in and that only a few of them actually like me, but that might be because I'm so quiet that I probably seem a bit snooty. It doesn't really matter though, because my attitude towards everything lately has been 'OH WELL WHO CARES.' I think I am just building a shell against the severely annoying random things that happen to me almost every day. For instance, today I went to get some food and I had to go inside to use the bathroom, and walked right into a nightmare where there were kids screaming and moms screaming at the kids, every cashier was a thousand years old and moving at a snail's pace, the thousand year old cashier looked at me like I was crazy when i asked him to put mustard on my burger and just sneered, "we don't have mustard. but I can give you a mustard packet." and then never gave me a mustard packet. That sort of thing. Oh also I was severely hungover. Anyway, when these things happen, I just scream OH WELL WHO CARES at the problem until I really don't care.
Another annoying thing is that I feel like I have no one to talk to, or no one is ever responding to me when I try to talk to them. I just got a new phone and I'm so lonely here that I try to text my friends back home or elsewhere and just....silence. WHAT THE FUCK, GUYS? I can't feel oh well who cares about it because i DO care that I feel totally alone and abandoned. I could always just go and be more social here, but sometimes it's too hard (TWSS).
Whatever. I'll navigate around my feelings/lack of feelings and the road leads me home next, anyway. That is sad too because my parents had to put down my dog a couple months ago, and I didn't get to really say goodbye to her. I don't think I mentioned that on here...but yeah. It was a tragedy.
Don't even get me started on the internet situation in this location. It is bonkers. Anyway.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Here I am in New York! The reason I haven't updated in a while is because there hasn't been much to update. I've been spending all my time just hanging out with my friend at his booth watching movies and getting drunk, etc.
But now I'm in New York!
I got a job selling coffee and tea at the Cappucino Inn. Apparently the tips are great at this show so I could be making a lot more money than I have at the other shows. Colorado was a total bust as far as that was concerned, and I really disliked my job (never ended up working in the capes booth, just tying corsets all day until all the skin on my fingers ripped off...) and wasn't right for it, and what with the fires raging all over the state, nobody really came out, and if they did they didn't buy anything. It's an awesome state, though, and I did have a good time friending around with my friend. We spent, I think, every day together for 6 weeks but 3. Now we're in separate states and it's weird. I miss him, but it'll be a really good thing to not have something to fall back on every day and actually go out and make new friends. I live across the path from some gutter punk looking kids, so that's promising! During the week, though, I'll probably be spending as much time as possible in the city with my best friends.
The drive from Colorado to New York was pretty intense. In Pennsylvania I started hallucinating and the mountains were so foggy and spooky and the moon was full and I watched all these crazy clouds turning into freaky shapes: a dragon with the moon for it's eye, a giant bat reaching out with its hand and eating the moon. It was surreal and awesome. Everyone told me that Kansas majorly sucks to drive through, but there were lightning storms there all night as we drove through so it was actually pretty cool to see. I wouldn't want to repeat it again, though. At least...not til next year!
But now I'm in New York!
I got a job selling coffee and tea at the Cappucino Inn. Apparently the tips are great at this show so I could be making a lot more money than I have at the other shows. Colorado was a total bust as far as that was concerned, and I really disliked my job (never ended up working in the capes booth, just tying corsets all day until all the skin on my fingers ripped off...) and wasn't right for it, and what with the fires raging all over the state, nobody really came out, and if they did they didn't buy anything. It's an awesome state, though, and I did have a good time friending around with my friend. We spent, I think, every day together for 6 weeks but 3. Now we're in separate states and it's weird. I miss him, but it'll be a really good thing to not have something to fall back on every day and actually go out and make new friends. I live across the path from some gutter punk looking kids, so that's promising! During the week, though, I'll probably be spending as much time as possible in the city with my best friends.
The drive from Colorado to New York was pretty intense. In Pennsylvania I started hallucinating and the mountains were so foggy and spooky and the moon was full and I watched all these crazy clouds turning into freaky shapes: a dragon with the moon for it's eye, a giant bat reaching out with its hand and eating the moon. It was surreal and awesome. Everyone told me that Kansas majorly sucks to drive through, but there were lightning storms there all night as we drove through so it was actually pretty cool to see. I wouldn't want to repeat it again, though. At least...not til next year!
Friday, June 22, 2012
monkey mountain peasant song
Colorado continues to be breathtakingly beautiful, and I still love living here, despite the fact that it's impossible to keep one's feet clean...
My 27th birthday was a few days ago, my first one where I wasn't with any of my close friends. But my friends out here made sure that I had a great one. There's a tradition where you get dollars pinned to your chest and when people see you they add to the pins...I made quite a few bucks! Part of the pinned dollars, however, is that you're opening yourself up to get assassinated...with pie! Only someone who has been pied on their birthday can be a pie assassin, and if you pie someone a. when it isn't their birthday or b. when you haven't been pied, you become a Pie Bitch and can be pied by anyone at any point during the year.
A pie-ing doesn't mean that you have to have an entire like, cherry pie smooshed in your face. A handful of whipped cream or even a whipped cream smeared on the nose will do. I got both! My friend's girlfriend got me right after midnight with a handful of whipped cream, and then another friend of mine, Skinny, bought me a yummy shot with whipped cream and she dabbed it on my nose. I also got 2 "cake shots", which are amazing shots of vodka+ frangelica chased by a sugared lime that taste exactly like chocolate cake. Several more drinks were bought for me of course, and I ended the night very happily drunk in my own little bed.
The ACTUAL day of my birthday (this was Sunday night, when everyone goes out to the bar) I had a car mishap, where poor Silver overheated! A check in the radiator tank showed that there was absolutely NO coolant in there at all. Luckily the corner store in Larkspur had one last bottle of antifreeze, so I poured that in and it's been fine ever since. Car trouble out here on the road is dangerous, because we don't make much money and it can be hard to take care of.
Instead of getting wasted again and partying, I spent the day at my friend's house watching movies and relaxing which is exactly what I like to do the most. This is the "friend" i've been "spending time" with in Scarborough and wasn't sure if we still would here...well, we are. Mostly I bring him into town when he needs it and he lets me hang out at his booth which has electricity, so I can watch movies.
My best friend Rick got me a room in a 4-star hotel in Denver for Wednesday night, and I brought my friend along as well. We had a glorious time turning the AC down as far as we could stand, watching TV , swimming in the hotel pool, drinking, of course, and going out on the town with my friend from high school who lives here now. We were also super excited about the shower...it was a really nice shower. We took at least 2 showers each.
Alas, it's back to the life without windows or showers or refrigerators...I'm still loving it though!
My 27th birthday was a few days ago, my first one where I wasn't with any of my close friends. But my friends out here made sure that I had a great one. There's a tradition where you get dollars pinned to your chest and when people see you they add to the pins...I made quite a few bucks! Part of the pinned dollars, however, is that you're opening yourself up to get assassinated...with pie! Only someone who has been pied on their birthday can be a pie assassin, and if you pie someone a. when it isn't their birthday or b. when you haven't been pied, you become a Pie Bitch and can be pied by anyone at any point during the year.
A pie-ing doesn't mean that you have to have an entire like, cherry pie smooshed in your face. A handful of whipped cream or even a whipped cream smeared on the nose will do. I got both! My friend's girlfriend got me right after midnight with a handful of whipped cream, and then another friend of mine, Skinny, bought me a yummy shot with whipped cream and she dabbed it on my nose. I also got 2 "cake shots", which are amazing shots of vodka+ frangelica chased by a sugared lime that taste exactly like chocolate cake. Several more drinks were bought for me of course, and I ended the night very happily drunk in my own little bed.
The ACTUAL day of my birthday (this was Sunday night, when everyone goes out to the bar) I had a car mishap, where poor Silver overheated! A check in the radiator tank showed that there was absolutely NO coolant in there at all. Luckily the corner store in Larkspur had one last bottle of antifreeze, so I poured that in and it's been fine ever since. Car trouble out here on the road is dangerous, because we don't make much money and it can be hard to take care of.
Instead of getting wasted again and partying, I spent the day at my friend's house watching movies and relaxing which is exactly what I like to do the most. This is the "friend" i've been "spending time" with in Scarborough and wasn't sure if we still would here...well, we are. Mostly I bring him into town when he needs it and he lets me hang out at his booth which has electricity, so I can watch movies.
My best friend Rick got me a room in a 4-star hotel in Denver for Wednesday night, and I brought my friend along as well. We had a glorious time turning the AC down as far as we could stand, watching TV , swimming in the hotel pool, drinking, of course, and going out on the town with my friend from high school who lives here now. We were also super excited about the shower...it was a really nice shower. We took at least 2 showers each.
Alas, it's back to the life without windows or showers or refrigerators...I'm still loving it though!
Monday, June 4, 2012
5am in the korean spa/down in castle rock, dun dun, down in castle rock!
The car is packed, my meager camping deposit is in hand, and it's off to the next location in my journey, Colorado!
Bobby and I decided to come to King Spa, a giant korean style sauna/spa here in Dallas, to relax, detox, and sleep before our drive. There are 9 sauna rooms, each with different healing properties and themes (salt room, pyramid room, far infrared ray, etc. ) There's also a spa area with hot tubs (and a cold tub!) that's separated by sex (because you have to be naked...eek!) We sweat it out in all the rooms and I did a couple dips into the hot tub/cold tub etc.
2 days later:
So I was interrupted by Bobby coming out of the locker and getting ready to leave, and now I'm in Colorado! I'm back in my natural habitat! This could mean two things: surrounded by mountains, (beautiful, gorgeous mountains) and also in a small local coffeeshop with free wifi.
I'm loving Colorado so far! The faire hasn't started yet, but I hear it's not the greatest as far as faires go, other than for making money. (woo!) But the area and the mountains and everything about the actual state, I love! It's the exact opposite of Texas...Texas can suck a dick, but the faire was amazing. Well, I don't know how this faire will go yet. I'm optimistic?
I'm camped with Bobby and Ron. Our little campsite is called Camp LaCroix, because Bobby calls me Amber LaCroix, and the shape of the camp is actually a little cross (LaCroix meaning The Cross, of course...) my tent is the Capitol, and I'm the Queen, meaning I'm the one who tells them to shut up and stop bickering, which they don't obey but it's alright. Bobby is the King of Queens, and Ron lives in LaCroix East, otherwise known as The Bottoms or the slums, where anything goes. We met a super cool dude who lives kind of above us named Will, and he's the Mayor of LaCroix because he lives in a different district and has an unbiased opinion.
Last night, our first night in our camp (but not in Colorado - Bobby and I got here too late to check in to the site, so he bought us a hotel room for the night...an AMAZING room for super cheap!) we were playing dice in the Plaza and getting drunk off of only a couple beers. The altitude makes getting drunk so cheap! I can get tipsy off of only one beer! We decided to walk to the bar to get food, because it's only down the hill and not a bad walk at all. The bar was uneventful, but as we were walking back, we passed by this little restaurant called Vigil's (vee-HEEL'S) and a subaru outback came blazing down the street after us and pulled into the parking lot. The owner of the car opened his door and yelled 'I HAVE FREE TEQUILA SHOTS!' Without discussing it with each other, we all turned immediately into the parking lot and followed the dude inside. Turns out his name is Chris, he owns the restaurant, and was basically just doing PR to get us to tell others about the restaurant and to become patrons ourselves. He asked us about what rennies like to drink, prices they'll pay, etc. He also gave us 2 little samples of green, and a second shot! We all went back out into the night, flabbergasted and amazed that that had just happened.
About halfway up the hill, here comes his car again, and he stops by us, and HANDS OUT THE ALMOST FULL BOTTLE OF TEQUILA. We all crowded around his window hugging him and crying thank you thank you! And off he sped into the distance. So we went back to Camp LaCroix and got even more drunk.
We all woke up early this morning to huddle in the tiny bit of shade in front of my tent and sample some of Chris' contribution, before piling into my car and going down the street to the Corner Market for water and cigarettes and gas, before crossing the street to Vigil's for delicious breakfast burritos. I brought everyone back home, and immediately left to come to Castle Rock, a picturesque town just 15 minutes away with a huge rock formation that kiiiiind of looks like a castle (I don't think whoever named it had ever seen a real castle). I'
Bobby and I decided to come to King Spa, a giant korean style sauna/spa here in Dallas, to relax, detox, and sleep before our drive. There are 9 sauna rooms, each with different healing properties and themes (salt room, pyramid room, far infrared ray, etc. ) There's also a spa area with hot tubs (and a cold tub!) that's separated by sex (because you have to be naked...eek!) We sweat it out in all the rooms and I did a couple dips into the hot tub/cold tub etc.
2 days later:
So I was interrupted by Bobby coming out of the locker and getting ready to leave, and now I'm in Colorado! I'm back in my natural habitat! This could mean two things: surrounded by mountains, (beautiful, gorgeous mountains) and also in a small local coffeeshop with free wifi.
I'm loving Colorado so far! The faire hasn't started yet, but I hear it's not the greatest as far as faires go, other than for making money. (woo!) But the area and the mountains and everything about the actual state, I love! It's the exact opposite of Texas...Texas can suck a dick, but the faire was amazing. Well, I don't know how this faire will go yet. I'm optimistic?
I'm camped with Bobby and Ron. Our little campsite is called Camp LaCroix, because Bobby calls me Amber LaCroix, and the shape of the camp is actually a little cross (LaCroix meaning The Cross, of course...) my tent is the Capitol, and I'm the Queen, meaning I'm the one who tells them to shut up and stop bickering, which they don't obey but it's alright. Bobby is the King of Queens, and Ron lives in LaCroix East, otherwise known as The Bottoms or the slums, where anything goes. We met a super cool dude who lives kind of above us named Will, and he's the Mayor of LaCroix because he lives in a different district and has an unbiased opinion.
Last night, our first night in our camp (but not in Colorado - Bobby and I got here too late to check in to the site, so he bought us a hotel room for the night...an AMAZING room for super cheap!) we were playing dice in the Plaza and getting drunk off of only a couple beers. The altitude makes getting drunk so cheap! I can get tipsy off of only one beer! We decided to walk to the bar to get food, because it's only down the hill and not a bad walk at all. The bar was uneventful, but as we were walking back, we passed by this little restaurant called Vigil's (vee-HEEL'S) and a subaru outback came blazing down the street after us and pulled into the parking lot. The owner of the car opened his door and yelled 'I HAVE FREE TEQUILA SHOTS!' Without discussing it with each other, we all turned immediately into the parking lot and followed the dude inside. Turns out his name is Chris, he owns the restaurant, and was basically just doing PR to get us to tell others about the restaurant and to become patrons ourselves. He asked us about what rennies like to drink, prices they'll pay, etc. He also gave us 2 little samples of green, and a second shot! We all went back out into the night, flabbergasted and amazed that that had just happened.
About halfway up the hill, here comes his car again, and he stops by us, and HANDS OUT THE ALMOST FULL BOTTLE OF TEQUILA. We all crowded around his window hugging him and crying thank you thank you! And off he sped into the distance. So we went back to Camp LaCroix and got even more drunk.
We all woke up early this morning to huddle in the tiny bit of shade in front of my tent and sample some of Chris' contribution, before piling into my car and going down the street to the Corner Market for water and cigarettes and gas, before crossing the street to Vigil's for delicious breakfast burritos. I brought everyone back home, and immediately left to come to Castle Rock, a picturesque town just 15 minutes away with a huge rock formation that kiiiiind of looks like a castle (I don't think whoever named it had ever seen a real castle). I'
Friday, May 25, 2012
Heigh-Ho, Silver!
What happens to Amber after 2 weeks of no phone, no Internet, and no car? Well...I'm not sure. Nothing, I guess. I actually Did Stuff and hung out with my friends. Lots of alcohol and recreational drugs were involved. I danced, I bickered, I swam, I babysat, I got bitten by a million mosquitos and spiders. But now my car is fixed and I have access to internet again, and access to real alone time, which is important to me and which I haven't really had. I love my friends but I cannot hang out with people for more than a few days in a row at a time, because all the bickering and moving from one place to another and Activities is just too much for me sometimes, and I get really irritable. But everything is fine now!
We're coming up on the last weekend of Scarborough, and I'm really excited to move on to the next faire, in Colorado. Not because I don't LOOOOOOOVE it here, because I really do, but because it's FUCKING HOT and I'm tired of being a total sweaty gross mess every day, of not being able to stay in my tent for fear of heatstroke, of not being able to sit still at night because I'm being devoured by mosquitos. I'm tired of waking up with horrible, oozing spider bites that turn purple, and not being able to lay around all day with a boy (!!) because we can't touch each other without both turning into hot sweaty messes. That may or may not happen anyway, but.... I'll never tell. :) Well I'll tell a little...I have been hanging out with a boy, but he is not going to be my boyfriend, we're just enjoying each other's company. We may or may not continue our tryst in Colorado, but either way I'm having a good time and enjoying the benefits of a friend with benefits. Anyway...
I'm driving to Colorado with my friend Bobby Booom, who has quickly become my best friend out here. Trust me to find the gayest black man on any festival circuit ever to become my sistie bestie. His normal traveling companion is going to a different faire in massachusetts, so we'll be supporting each other and all that out in Colorado. A lot of other friends are also going, and some aren't. It's always sad to part at the end of the show and possibly not see some people you've been close with for a whole year! Luckily for me all my favorites are pretty much going to be on the same circuit as me for the rest of the year, so I don't have to shed any tears. Except for my friend Erica who I caravanned to Texas with...I don't know if I'll see her again til Arizona! And Katie Kaboom, the manager of Ophelia's. Since I'm also a manager, there's not many faires that we'd go to that would overlap. It's the nature of the road, though, and makes it all the better when you're reunited!
I should probably write a post reflecting on this show, but after this weekend (a 3 day) there isn't a huge crunch for time because Colorado doesn't start until the weekend after next. Sometime during the flurry of activity of packing up and getting ready next week I'll do that. Maybe.
We're coming up on the last weekend of Scarborough, and I'm really excited to move on to the next faire, in Colorado. Not because I don't LOOOOOOOVE it here, because I really do, but because it's FUCKING HOT and I'm tired of being a total sweaty gross mess every day, of not being able to stay in my tent for fear of heatstroke, of not being able to sit still at night because I'm being devoured by mosquitos. I'm tired of waking up with horrible, oozing spider bites that turn purple, and not being able to lay around all day with a boy (!!) because we can't touch each other without both turning into hot sweaty messes. That may or may not happen anyway, but.... I'll never tell. :) Well I'll tell a little...I have been hanging out with a boy, but he is not going to be my boyfriend, we're just enjoying each other's company. We may or may not continue our tryst in Colorado, but either way I'm having a good time and enjoying the benefits of a friend with benefits. Anyway...
I'm driving to Colorado with my friend Bobby Booom, who has quickly become my best friend out here. Trust me to find the gayest black man on any festival circuit ever to become my sistie bestie. His normal traveling companion is going to a different faire in massachusetts, so we'll be supporting each other and all that out in Colorado. A lot of other friends are also going, and some aren't. It's always sad to part at the end of the show and possibly not see some people you've been close with for a whole year! Luckily for me all my favorites are pretty much going to be on the same circuit as me for the rest of the year, so I don't have to shed any tears. Except for my friend Erica who I caravanned to Texas with...I don't know if I'll see her again til Arizona! And Katie Kaboom, the manager of Ophelia's. Since I'm also a manager, there's not many faires that we'd go to that would overlap. It's the nature of the road, though, and makes it all the better when you're reunited!
I should probably write a post reflecting on this show, but after this weekend (a 3 day) there isn't a huge crunch for time because Colorado doesn't start until the weekend after next. Sometime during the flurry of activity of packing up and getting ready next week I'll do that. Maybe.
Friday, May 4, 2012
ooh, a piece of candy!
Remember a few entries ago where I said that I kept smelling skunks, but it turned out to be the pot instead? Well, early this morning I woke up because I was smelling a horrible smell. At first I thought the wind was at an unfortunate angle from the portajohns (which are SO gross here...seriously, why is this the most expensive show to camp at? There's NEVER any toilet paper and they only get cleaned on Friday and Monday.) However, after a few minutes I realized it was real SKUNK smell. A skunk must have been skunkin' along when it came across someone's dog or cat and SKUNKED it. The smell was gone when I woke up, so it wasn't a dead skunk at least. That shit lingers for days and days, and we're all already dealing with the rancid, twice-a-week cleaned portajohn smell. Seriously, it's horrifying in there. I had to buy my own toilet paper because it always runs out like, the day after they clean and refill it. There are only like 3 johns for the entire lower road to use and it gets pretty nasty.
Here's a funny rennie bathroom story: I'm used to either using the portas or the "flushies", which as the name implies are real toilets. I only use them when I'm somewhere on site or at the Junque because they're right there, but they have automatic flush so basically I haven't touched a toilet flush knob in a while. So the other day I was in Starbucks and had to tinkle, and as I was leaving I touched the door handle and thought "Something is wrong..." and I realized that I'd almost walked out without flushing, because I haven't had to do it in so long! What a heathen I'm turning into.
Speaking of heathens, I was taking a shower this morning when a small baby child climbed under all the stalls and INTO MY STALL, and stood there staring at me as I backed into the corner, holding my razor and stammering, 'uh....go on...go find mommy....!" a hand reached under the stall and grabbed the child as a disembodied voice apologized, but the damaged had been done and I was blushing so hard. Not that it matters but this is the SECOND time a baby has just WALKED into my stall while I was showering (shaving my legs, as a matter of fact...bless you, free showers!) and all the mom has done is been like, 'nooo, don't do that....' and then the kid did it anyway. the first mom at least sounded a bit embarrassed, but today she was just laughing 'my daughter is a peeping tom!' I'm not saying they need to slap their kids around or anything, but some parents just seem reluctant to discipline their kids. It may have to do with the fact that there are people EVERYWHERE and EVERYONE can see what you're doing.
I was part of a conversation last week where a girl who's been on the road for 10 years made an offhand comment that confirmed my worst nightmare: that people are WATCHING YOU. No matter what you do, people notice, and I've been trying so hard to tell myself that no one cares what I do or what I'm up to. I'm sure that no one cares, but they still see. I like to just appear places on my own terms and have people see me when I want them to, but that's all lost here. I've been woken up to go take someone on errands, people force me to be social when I was planning on spending the day in bed reading...more often than not, it ends up being a good time, although I had to flee last night because some band was playing about Unconditional Love and Good Trades and I Need A Miracle and Do You Want To Be Free, and there is a LIMIT to the amount of hippie nonsense I can tolerate and I just could. not. So I went home and enjoyed my lingering stoned-ness and ate some chips and played angry birds. And then I woke up to skunk smells and then I took a shower with a tiny peeping tom!
Really though, I'm having an amazing time and am so glad to be here, and really sad that the faire is ending in 5 weeks. It feels like I've been here forever, whereas in Arizona the time flew by. I'm going to continue making the most of my time here, though.
Goodbye for now!
Here's a funny rennie bathroom story: I'm used to either using the portas or the "flushies", which as the name implies are real toilets. I only use them when I'm somewhere on site or at the Junque because they're right there, but they have automatic flush so basically I haven't touched a toilet flush knob in a while. So the other day I was in Starbucks and had to tinkle, and as I was leaving I touched the door handle and thought "Something is wrong..." and I realized that I'd almost walked out without flushing, because I haven't had to do it in so long! What a heathen I'm turning into.
Speaking of heathens, I was taking a shower this morning when a small baby child climbed under all the stalls and INTO MY STALL, and stood there staring at me as I backed into the corner, holding my razor and stammering, 'uh....go on...go find mommy....!" a hand reached under the stall and grabbed the child as a disembodied voice apologized, but the damaged had been done and I was blushing so hard. Not that it matters but this is the SECOND time a baby has just WALKED into my stall while I was showering (shaving my legs, as a matter of fact...bless you, free showers!) and all the mom has done is been like, 'nooo, don't do that....' and then the kid did it anyway. the first mom at least sounded a bit embarrassed, but today she was just laughing 'my daughter is a peeping tom!' I'm not saying they need to slap their kids around or anything, but some parents just seem reluctant to discipline their kids. It may have to do with the fact that there are people EVERYWHERE and EVERYONE can see what you're doing.
I was part of a conversation last week where a girl who's been on the road for 10 years made an offhand comment that confirmed my worst nightmare: that people are WATCHING YOU. No matter what you do, people notice, and I've been trying so hard to tell myself that no one cares what I do or what I'm up to. I'm sure that no one cares, but they still see. I like to just appear places on my own terms and have people see me when I want them to, but that's all lost here. I've been woken up to go take someone on errands, people force me to be social when I was planning on spending the day in bed reading...more often than not, it ends up being a good time, although I had to flee last night because some band was playing about Unconditional Love and Good Trades and I Need A Miracle and Do You Want To Be Free, and there is a LIMIT to the amount of hippie nonsense I can tolerate and I just could. not. So I went home and enjoyed my lingering stoned-ness and ate some chips and played angry birds. And then I woke up to skunk smells and then I took a shower with a tiny peeping tom!
Really though, I'm having an amazing time and am so glad to be here, and really sad that the faire is ending in 5 weeks. It feels like I've been here forever, whereas in Arizona the time flew by. I'm going to continue making the most of my time here, though.
Goodbye for now!
Monday, April 23, 2012
I made friends with a tiny dinosaur
Finally, a weekend that was sunny both days! Sunday was still slooooow, and my blood sugar was at an all time low, all day, no matter how much I ate or drank or took energy shots. I just could not be energetic or enthusiastic about anything. It all started because I spilled toothpaste on my only bodice. We managed to kind of get it out but I still need to take it to the dry cleaner's. I've had it for a year and it's never been washed so it needs to go anyway. I'm getting a new bodice next week, she's making it especially for me out of this fabric that I love and goes perfectly with the rest of my outfit, so that's exciting. CLOTHES! more appropriately, garb, but I HATE calling my faire clothes Garb, it's so...I don't know. It just makes my skin crawl. so, CLOTHES!
There's nothing much new to report. I really love the people I've been hanging out with, they're all good kids and they UNDERSTAND MY SENSE OF HUMOR which is something I never really found in Arizona. They were in Arizona, too, but we didn't really hang out there.
This is my favorite faire I've done so far. It's not strict like the other two I've done which are both owned by the same guy. I'm working with 2 girls who I love and who are silly like me and who both like drinking as much as I do. I'm never lonely, but when I want to be alone my friends know to let me have my alone time. Oh, and I got a raise!
Did you know that there are 6 separate magazines all dedicated to the Civil War? At this bookshop/cafe I'm in, there's a section of magazines dedicated to war stuff and I've counted at least 6 so far, JUST about the civil war. IS THIS REALLY NECESSARY? There's also one about the Wild West, Cowboys& Indians, Western Art Collector, Art of the West, Southwestern Art, etc. There's a magazine called Warbird, and another magazine called WarbirdS. :| the insanity! There's also one called Gothic Beauty, but I can't see the cover so I don't know what it's really about. It's in with the tattoo magazines and High Times and other marijuana-centric magazines, so it might just be pictures of "goth" girls with tattoos. I could just get up and look, but there's a fence in between me and the magazines and I'm lazy.
Didn't you love this interesting entry about hating words and my friends and all the magazines I can look at? I guess it's a good thing that shit isn't going down and I'm just living my life like normal.
Oh, I have a new roommate. She is a GIGANTIC spider, like, larger than a quarter. She has spun a web in between the top of my tent and the rain fly, and since she's moved in, I haven't seen a single flying bug inside my tent, so I'm letting her stay. As long as she isn't actually INSIDE the tent it's fine. I named her Spinderella.
There's nothing much new to report. I really love the people I've been hanging out with, they're all good kids and they UNDERSTAND MY SENSE OF HUMOR which is something I never really found in Arizona. They were in Arizona, too, but we didn't really hang out there.
This is my favorite faire I've done so far. It's not strict like the other two I've done which are both owned by the same guy. I'm working with 2 girls who I love and who are silly like me and who both like drinking as much as I do. I'm never lonely, but when I want to be alone my friends know to let me have my alone time. Oh, and I got a raise!
Did you know that there are 6 separate magazines all dedicated to the Civil War? At this bookshop/cafe I'm in, there's a section of magazines dedicated to war stuff and I've counted at least 6 so far, JUST about the civil war. IS THIS REALLY NECESSARY? There's also one about the Wild West, Cowboys& Indians, Western Art Collector, Art of the West, Southwestern Art, etc. There's a magazine called Warbird, and another magazine called WarbirdS. :| the insanity! There's also one called Gothic Beauty, but I can't see the cover so I don't know what it's really about. It's in with the tattoo magazines and High Times and other marijuana-centric magazines, so it might just be pictures of "goth" girls with tattoos. I could just get up and look, but there's a fence in between me and the magazines and I'm lazy.
Didn't you love this interesting entry about hating words and my friends and all the magazines I can look at? I guess it's a good thing that shit isn't going down and I'm just living my life like normal.
Oh, I have a new roommate. She is a GIGANTIC spider, like, larger than a quarter. She has spun a web in between the top of my tent and the rain fly, and since she's moved in, I haven't seen a single flying bug inside my tent, so I'm letting her stay. As long as she isn't actually INSIDE the tent it's fine. I named her Spinderella.
Monday, April 9, 2012
this is where the deceit begins
One weekend down! I really enjoy this faire...the site is really cool and the food is amazing and there's The Junque...an on-site restaurant near the end of the campgrounds (probably a 5 minute walk from my house) and the showers where you can grab VERY reasonably priced food (not that I've eaten there yet, just gone after work for a couple beers.) I think it's really cool to have a place like that right on-site...it's not for patrons, just us. Everybody's known about this place for a million years I'm sure but HEY I'M NEW! At least I have a few friends who are newbies too. Everyone just seems more laid back and happy to be here than in Arizona.
I DEFINITELY enjoy my job about a million times more than selling the wings in Arizona. God, I hated it by the end. But I already knew I liked working at Ophelia's, since I manage it in NC, but I didn't know what it would be like working with Katie and Colleen. It's great! Katie always makes sure to run out and grab drinks for us and make sure we're okay and have eaten and all that. And I can just walk out to go to the bathroom instead of storing it up all day for my 2 thirty minute breaks. We were all sitting and having a beer and a cigarette at the end of the day (you're allowed to openly drink on the premises here! amazing!) and Katie gave me a long pep talk about how they both love me and she can tell already that we're going to be the A team and we're going to rock it out because I'm so perfect for the job, etc, really nice stuff. It was really great to hear!
Afterwards I went to the Junque and met up with my friends, continued a conversation I'd had with a boy I'd met the night before about my fake son, Davy Jones (that's a whole other entry) and just hung out and relaxed. I gave my garlic knots to a boy I'd just met, and we became instant friends and he also gave me a really awesome pep-talk and massaged a huuuuuge knot out of my shoulder while encouraging me to let out all my bottled up anxieties, which really helped. He said he'd never felt a muscle relax so much just from someone talking. I met up again with the other boy and we went back to his van (!!) and sat up talking all night, and I passed out there. Hmm, I think I might like him? We'll see. He made me laugh really hard several times, and that's pretty good for someone I just met. If you're not funny or don't have a good sense of humor, we're not going to be friends. Or we can be friends, I just won't like you that much. :)
There's a party tonight, which I am definitely going to, although I kind of just wish I could hang out in my tent and watch movies all night. If I had an actual long-lasting laptop battery, that would be feasible, but as it is, that's not going to happen, so party I will. As for right now, I'm just contemplating what to eat for dinner and googling albino models and counter-culture webpages about hippie shit. I read a thing and saw some pictures about Rainbow Gatherings and was like, ha! That's my whole life! Kind of. When we were sitting outside the shop with our beers, the hypnotist walked by and said 'Look honey, hippies!' and I was like, 'nuh uh! these legs are smooooooooth' and kicked my leg out. I love you, free showers! It was getting a little Ani Difranco in Arizona, to be frank, because I didn't feel like spending 3 bucks on a 10 minute shower, so I'd just hop in and out in 5 minutes and be done with it. I do have one dreadlock though, that used to be a padawan braid that Larkyn made for me, but now it's a dreadlock and it's even growing out locked. Maybe I'll get a bead for it.
I was supposed to run errands today but I'm so fried. Tomorrow I'll probably be fried, too! There's no rush, and I won't starve. I like coming into town here, too, because the starbucks is nice and it's not as far as it was in Arizona. Lalala. Til next time!
I DEFINITELY enjoy my job about a million times more than selling the wings in Arizona. God, I hated it by the end. But I already knew I liked working at Ophelia's, since I manage it in NC, but I didn't know what it would be like working with Katie and Colleen. It's great! Katie always makes sure to run out and grab drinks for us and make sure we're okay and have eaten and all that. And I can just walk out to go to the bathroom instead of storing it up all day for my 2 thirty minute breaks. We were all sitting and having a beer and a cigarette at the end of the day (you're allowed to openly drink on the premises here! amazing!) and Katie gave me a long pep talk about how they both love me and she can tell already that we're going to be the A team and we're going to rock it out because I'm so perfect for the job, etc, really nice stuff. It was really great to hear!
Afterwards I went to the Junque and met up with my friends, continued a conversation I'd had with a boy I'd met the night before about my fake son, Davy Jones (that's a whole other entry) and just hung out and relaxed. I gave my garlic knots to a boy I'd just met, and we became instant friends and he also gave me a really awesome pep-talk and massaged a huuuuuge knot out of my shoulder while encouraging me to let out all my bottled up anxieties, which really helped. He said he'd never felt a muscle relax so much just from someone talking. I met up again with the other boy and we went back to his van (!!) and sat up talking all night, and I passed out there. Hmm, I think I might like him? We'll see. He made me laugh really hard several times, and that's pretty good for someone I just met. If you're not funny or don't have a good sense of humor, we're not going to be friends. Or we can be friends, I just won't like you that much. :)
There's a party tonight, which I am definitely going to, although I kind of just wish I could hang out in my tent and watch movies all night. If I had an actual long-lasting laptop battery, that would be feasible, but as it is, that's not going to happen, so party I will. As for right now, I'm just contemplating what to eat for dinner and googling albino models and counter-culture webpages about hippie shit. I read a thing and saw some pictures about Rainbow Gatherings and was like, ha! That's my whole life! Kind of. When we were sitting outside the shop with our beers, the hypnotist walked by and said 'Look honey, hippies!' and I was like, 'nuh uh! these legs are smooooooooth' and kicked my leg out. I love you, free showers! It was getting a little Ani Difranco in Arizona, to be frank, because I didn't feel like spending 3 bucks on a 10 minute shower, so I'd just hop in and out in 5 minutes and be done with it. I do have one dreadlock though, that used to be a padawan braid that Larkyn made for me, but now it's a dreadlock and it's even growing out locked. Maybe I'll get a bead for it.
I was supposed to run errands today but I'm so fried. Tomorrow I'll probably be fried, too! There's no rush, and I won't starve. I like coming into town here, too, because the starbucks is nice and it's not as far as it was in Arizona. Lalala. Til next time!
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