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I keep reminding myself that I have to write, write, write. It's easier to write when stuff is actually going on.
After an unpleasant, 5-second encounter in a night that was otherwise very fun and pleasant, I ran home (Sunday nights I always seem to run home, happy that I'm free of the burden of all my friends talking at once, very quickly, while slowly starting to ignore me.) to lie in bed thinking "fuck this, fuck this." I woke up with a hangover, of course, thought "fuck THIS" again and fled to the library where I sat angrily staring out the window at the most perfect, beautiful day. I also ate a bagel next to a fake waterfall and let the waterfall splash on me a little. After the bagel I felt better. I don't feel "fuck this" anymore, I am just ready to go home. I remembered something that I tell myself all the time, that I heard in a podcast. "It's okay to just walk away." "You don't HAVE to hang out with anybody." I am being vague, I'll just say that a girl scolded me and I hate being scolded. Nobody here knows anything about me. How could you be mean to the quiet girl, oh because your girlfriend sells drugs and you're always on drugs and everybody is drunk. Well, that's fine.
I have 2 books to finish before I move back to NC and will possibly have no time to finish a book. I'm going to be living with that boy again, a problem which i am half pleased about/half worried about. It isn't really a big deal, I am mostly excited to be going back to North Carolina. It's perfect to live in NC for only 4 months out of the year, just enough time so that I don't become dull and start hating it. Spending the hottest months in a mountain climate (although this year it was as hot as anywhere in Colorado.) although next year I might do Bonnaroo and Grassroots instead. You work every day there, maybe I would serve Yeasayer and Kanye West burritos. Wouldn't that be awesome? A girl told me, "You should have a boyfriend if you go to those shows. Otherwise you will just have boys ALL OVER YOU." Sounds alright to me!
I decided to decide to start running. Basically I want to lose weight but I don't want to give up my lifestyle of eating whatever I want and drinking lots of beers. Running seems like the best exercise because once you're out and start running, you're too far away to just quit and go back and take a nap. You have to at LEAST walk back to where you began, which is still exercise. Also, you can do it anywhere, etc. I almost went for my first "run" (walking mostly, running for one minute intervals) today in the state park, but it's always so dark inside when I pass by, and I don't know if there's parking close to the entrance, and I didn't have much gas and didn't want to get stuck in the dark, scary forest. Excuses, excuses! The real excuse is I don't have real running shoes and I don't want to fuck my feet up before I've even properly begun. So there!
Despite all these worries and troubles, strangely, this is the best show so far. I make a lot more money than at any of the other shows, I like my job a LOT, and I like the people I work for, and with. All of these factors have never come together in any of my other jobs, except Ophelia's in Texas and NC. Hopefully I can have the same job in Arizona. We don't make such good tips there but it would still be better than what I made this year at that wings-selling job which I HATED. I think I am just so antsy because I'm so close to home. If this was the first show or even a middle show I'd be so happy. Also New York/New Jersey is kind of a ridiculous place. I'm finally starting to see why my parents moved us to NC. OH MY SWEEEEET CAROLINA!
